Conditions Apply*
The devil’s in the detail.
I hate ‘offers’ whose conditions render them impractical, untrue or even pernicious.
For months I’ve collected samples for a post on this debilitating aspect of human nature.
Then my wife handed me One Offer to Rule Them All.
All That Glitters
The Gold Coin to Join* offer (see above) seems the soul of simplicity. You:
Pay [...]
Yes Sir, No Sir?
We often hear that ‘the customer is king’. But should this translate into titles?
I began work in retail and was a polite lad, so I called every male customer Sir. As I grew older, the habit stuck and I used Sir in my other roles.
To my surprise, it didn’t always have the desired effect. [...]
Defence in Depth
Defence in depth is the strategy of exhausting an enemy via attrition.
It was used to devastating effect by the Carthaginians at Cannae and by the Romans at my home renovation.
If you wish to stress a marriage, break a spirit, drain a bank account and earn undying odium for yourself and your industry, here’s a [...]
Divided Loyalties
Loyalty scheme. Sounds like an oxymoron, but it’s the truth: a scheme to gain loyalty.
Faith in loyalty schemes (also called loyalty programs) was beaten out of me over three punishing rounds.
1. Fly Buys
I spent often. Sometimes without need. But it wasn’t enough.
As I eyed a modest appliance ‘reward’, my points hit a critical [...]
Deal Breakers
It can take years to gain a client and seconds to lose one. Sometimes, the break is audible. Below are four such pivotal moments, frozen for your perusal.
Pelvic Thrust
A woman at risk of ovarian cancer attends an ultrasound clinic. On taking her name, the Receptionist turns around and shouts through a door to the [...]
All Washed Up – Part 2
Read Part 1
I was the proud (and rather startled) owner of ten car wash vouchers. Melbourne’s most dogged salesman had secured my custom for at least a year. And after our magic, first-wash honeymoon, I was hungry for lifelong love.
He waved the wash team to my car and told me to return in 20 minutes. [...]
All Washed Up
Part 1 of 2
I don’t like salesmen who won’t take no. But the sheer tenacity of one guy breached my every defence. I wanted one car wash; he sold me ten. He won the battle. But will he win the war? Let’s see.
He approached smiling. I wore red:
Hi, Mate; I’d like a wash thanks.
Hello, Sir. [...]
I, ROBOT.
I was going to report this development as a comment on Naming Rights, but I was so stunned that I had to give it a full post.
The Telstra ROBOT that gave me so much grief during my ISP dramas has evolved beyond the point of recognising my voice and hanging up.
It has now [...]
Trial by Fire
I was grateful for the many considered comments on No Guarantees. So grateful, that I just did something I’ve never done.
I offered a guarantee.
Yes, it was in pursuit of new business. Nevertheless, it was still a big new trick for a relatively old dog. On spotting the word ‘readvertised’ in a job ad, I emailed [...]
Impersonal Banking
Bank bashing is easy, unproductive and old hat. Therefore, let me say this: if I lent hundreds of thousands of dollars to a virtual stranger so he could buy a home, run a business and do up his kitchen, I’d certainly expect to hold the whip hand. Though it concerns banking, this post is about [...]
