Paper Bag Bandits
Money talks. Has it said anything to you lately?
Did you hear about the rather lucrative printer cartridge deal?
The highlight for me was the public servant who:
‘… bought enough black toner cartridges to supply the government department for 40 years — despite toner cartridges expiring after two years.’
As my taxes paid this person’s salary, I felt encouraged by her initiative and commitment.
Then I wondered if you’ve been stung by either end of the corruption cattle prod.
Tagged & Bagged
There are two sides to every story. And difficult times tend to throw these into high relief.
On one side, we have flawed humans with the power to make purchasing decisions.
On the other, hungry companies desperate to make a deal.
If a wad of loot were to find its way into a brown paper bag, and that bag were to find its way into a pocket, and the owner of that pocket were to award a lucrative contract, who would be the wiser?
This is a new area for me.
Whenever I’ve been desperate for business, I’ve been way too desperate to contribute to anyone’s slush fund.
When I’ve been in positions of power, the most I ever got was a bag of lollies from a printing firm.
Guilty!
Actually, now that I think about it, those lollies worked a treat.
They were red, like raspberries, but in the shape of a K.
Even better, they had a hard, chewy consistency (like the long-discontinued, sadly missed battleship lollies of my youth).
The flavour was intense.
The company was …
… it’s coming to me …
Yes! That’s right: that’s what the K was for!
A little bag of red jelly Ks came with each Kwik Kopy print order delivered.
It was a mere handful, but the effect was profound.
Enough, even, to make a man forget his aversion to phonetic spelling.
Whenever these arrived in the design studio, we fell upon them like orphan zombies.
After a few sugar hits, I started hassling the Production Manager to use Kwik Kopy
all
the
time.
Mea Culpa
And so I stand before you, a corrupt and broken citizen.
Will you flay my flesh or sympathise with my human failings?
Maybe you have even more shocking tales to tell.
Don’t be shy; there’s a lot of it about.
To get you thinking, I’ve provided some interrogation questions (sorted in decreasing likelihood of you ignoring them).
Confess!
Have you (or anyone in your business) ever:
- Taken a bribe?
- Offered one?
- Seen one change hands?
- Been beaten in a pitch because of one?
- Suspected as much?
- Been tempted to ‘grease the rails’ in your favour?
For the record, I once considered bribing my ‘builder’ to do what I’d paid him to.
But since he already had all our money (plus a lot more that didn’t belong to us) I realised the effect would be negligible.
It’s now down to you.
Think carefully.
And tell all!
Paul Hassing, Founder & Senior Writer, The Feisty Empire
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Battleships! You have phenomenal recall.
PS No to all.
Hi, Ad. I’ve been searching for them for decades, hoping someone hid some in a missile silo or something. So far, no dice.
I have a great story that could be considered a bribe, but I thought was quite ingenious. Team Leader in the corporate world had to spend his training budget before financial year end, but with so many projects on, there was no way he could release any staff for training courses. Local training company had a promotion where you received a free Playstation for racking up points for each training course you did. Team leader put two and two together, approached the learning company and said ‘I want to pre-pay my training for next year. I’m going to write you out a big cheque to use up my training budget, you’ll hold that in credit for us to use next year .. and I want 10 Playstations now in return’.
Note: the corporate world is notorious for punishing those who dont use their allocated budgets, by reducing your budget amount for the next year. You are rarely applauded or given incentives for spending less of your budget.
Twas a win win situation for all .. except the financial controller who went ballistic when he found out, and team leader got severly told off. He still walked out of that meeting with a smile though.
Not really a corruption story, but a creative use of supplier incentives!
Fantastic tale, Sonia. And topical too! I guess financial controllers need to be a bit tightly wound if they’re to be truly effective. So, who got the Playstations?
The staff members in his team did! Unfortunately it was before I was promoted into his team, so I missed out
Bugger! Sorry to hear that, Sonia. Still, I don’t imagine you have loads of free hours to conquer complex racing games at your house!
Hmmm, asking your readers to rat themselves out is a true testament to your ability, Paul. How can we resist anyone who can wax lyrical about battleship lollies?
I must admit living in Africa changes your views on bribes and bribery. I’ve bribed traffic policeman in South Africa, Customs officials in Zambia and littered sub-Sahara Africa with enough $1 and $5 American notes to earn the reputation of serial briber. (Is that a word?)Often it was money paid for expedited service or a tacit agreement that my life could be made a lot harder if I didn’t capitulate. In some cases, I had made no offense at all but the nature of the system says I was a good target for low-rent extortion. (They were right.)
Having confessed all that, I have never offered a bribe in business or taken one. It’s hard to say I never would. Bob Geldof was roundly criticised for paying bribes from Live Aid funds to get food to the starving Ethiopians. Michael Jackson’s “We are the World” mob promised they wouldn’t do it and they held their promise. But much of the food was left rotting on airport tarmacs and I can’t see how that made much sense.
Now as I go away contemplating my own ethics, I have to thank you for yet another thought-provoking post.
You know the rule, Sarah: NEVER underestimate the audience!
How cool that you came to the party. (The cheque is in the mail.)
Your adventures sound hair raising; I’m having Bali flashbacks.
Thanks so much for playing!
And BTW, Sarah, thank you VERY much for featuring us in your blog today:
http://www.globalcopywriting.com/cream-pies-stick-the-importance-of-persistency-consistency-in-content/
Like Paul, I’ve never received anything more exciting than those hideous hard Kwik Kopy lollies.
Unlike Paul, we didn’t think so highly of them…
Every time we received a new job from Kwik Kopy, there they were. Those little red K’s of sugary plastic that were only ever resorted on at 4pm on Friday when we desperately needed sugar and there was absolutely NOTHING else around. (seriously. I once ate milo straight out of the tin, lest I have to face another one of those horrid little things)
They were palmed off from desk to desk. Cries of ‘who put the *#$%@& Kwik Kopy lollies on my desk?!’ became frequent around the office. We asked our rep to stop sending them, but somehow the message didn’t make it to the delivery dude.
We didn’t want a playstation, wads of cash or lavish whitegoods. (though they would have been nice). We just wanted a reprieve from the army of red lollies taking over our office.
By gum (tee hee) Emma, it sure takes all sorts (titter). Once again you’re diametrically opposed to me. This bodes very well for our future discussions! I’m glad we’re … mates (chortle).
Thank you, Paul, for spruiking my blog today. I’m thrilled to have you guest post.
Sometimes the ‘bribery’ can be irritating when all your want is good service.
I had an incident recently where I needed a printing issue sorted out and all I received was numerous invitations to boozy lunches with no action on my problem (their fault). I just wanted my job sorted!
Disclaimer/confession: In normal circumstances, if anyone does want to b̶r̶i̶b̶e̶ take me for a boozy long lunch, I’m all for it
I hear you, Adrianne; thank you for speaking up!
No scandalous bribe stories in my business experience thus far – it’s funny you mention the impact those little Red K’s had on your loyalty to kwik kopy – a bit of a skew from the topic but I came across an article on marketingprofs today which talked more about rewarding customers, was a good read: http://bit.ly/q9KGi7
Regarding your battleship lollies Paul, they’re only a ram raid away at the powerhouse museum…. http://www.powerhousemuseum.com/collection/database/?irn=111416
Nice finds, Dan! You can see that even in those days, the red ones went first.
Thanks also for that link.
BTW, how’s that social media course of yours filling up?
Almost there! Half full at the moment, however pending confirmations will determine whether it remains half full or if I have to run a second one along side haha.. Will find out soon!
That’s the way, Tiger. What was that URL again?
http://smforbabies.eventbrite.com/ why didn’t I think of that?
Special code: ‘battleship’
Because you’re a straight shooter who doesn’t ride other cats’ coat tails.
Working in the travel industry they were (don’t know if it still happens)famills which were designed for branch mangers and consultants to get free trips to learn about different destinations. In marketing we could also go on free trips and we called them jollies because they were pretty good.
When I joined as head of marketing I cut the number product managers could take as I preferred the trips go to branch managers and consultants. It didn’t make me that popular.
That said I enjoyed a free free trips including a weekend in Singapore and was sorry I was sick and couldn’t make a trip to Hawaii and because of our own conference I had to forgo a 2 day cruise on the QE2.Unfortunately the trips didn’t make any difference when I was negotiating with suppliers which a couple of them got upset about.
Thanks so much for sharing your vast experience with us once again, Susan. Every time I think I’ve got you pegged, you roll out yet another sector of expertise!
Would love to say I’ve been sent on wonderful holidays as a bribe, or given a gorgeous car, or … Alas, it has never happened! I have been to the Cup (ah, in Melbourne!) and an AFL match courtesy of photocopier/printer companies but I still judged each purchasing decision on the equipment and price I was offered in each situation.
As for buying excesses in bulk – I can see the temptation to grab a good deal, but you have to look at all angles to be sure it IS a good deal in the end!
Can’t say that I have ever received a bribe nor have I ever given one. However I would favour a client or supplier and give them some extra love and attention if they spent some money on me. Mind you they would still need to stack up.
In a previous life I worked in a large member benefits organisation where contracts where basically purchased. Companies given money as part of the deal. Not exactly bribery (as I am sure it was all upfront) but it was literally buying the client.
Two comments in one day! Thanks again, Tash. I hope we’ll be seeing more of you.
Beaut to hear from you too, Arthur. And three days ahead of schedule! What WILL you do this Sunday?!
Like your other replies I can’t say I’ve been bribed but I have been offered many a free lunch which is always great but ONLY if the job has been delivered on time, to budget and to the specs.
In terms of the K-lollies, of course I love them! As a thank you gift they are one of our most welcomed and effective local marketing tools. If your in need of a sugar hit, let us know at @kwik_kopy and we’d more than happy to send a pack your way : )
Well now I just feel plain bad for saying nasty things about the Kwik Kopy lollies
Truth be told, they’re the only present I’ve ever received from a supplier, and while they’re not my favourite thing it the world, it’s the thought that counts, right?!
On that note, however, maybe you could mix it up Sarah? Little Kwik Kopy branded bottles of wine wouldn’t go astray
At the end of the day, it was the wonderful relationship with our local KK rep that kept us going back, not the lollies. So a quick shout to David from Springvale KK. Superstar. Seriously, you have no idea how many ridiculous, eleventh hour requests I put on him, and they always got done…
How cool that you joined us, Sarah! Thanks very much for being such a good sport.
Don’t worry about Emma; she’s the ‘bad’ cop.
Thanks Emma, I’ll pass you comment back to David. BTW we have done branded wine in the past, I let you know when the next vintage is released.
This could start a massive ethics debate! When is a gift a bribe?
For me, there is something about the ‘contingency’ of the gift on the reciept of business. ‘If you give me a case of wine, I will keep using your service’ is very different to ‘thank for using KwikKopy, here are some lollies’.
The law of reciprocity comes into play with gift giving – if I give you a gift, you are more likely to to give me something in return (the business!). Giving a gift can build relationships and influence the level of positve feeling someone has towards you.
Gifts are about influence. Bribery is (in many cases) illegal, and mostly unethical. Where do you draw the line?
Great analysis, Phil! It is indeed a tricky field, and grey areas are good hiding places for those without a firm view.
I don’t even send my clients Christmas cards. They way I see it, I give them great service, they give me great money. End of story.
This is ridiculous, of course. Things would go far better for my business if I took a more personable approach. But it’s just not in me, so why make it worse by faking it?
If you want killer copy, I’m you’re man. If you want a cuddle, buy a puppy!
And the beat goes on …
http://www.theage.com.au/technology/biz-tech/workers-award-selves-tender-20110905-1juce.html