Should We Tell Them about Nanna?
Do you share dark days with clients?
Disease is visiting my family.
I’ll spare you the details; it’s life and we all must live it.
The question is, do our private lives concern our customers?
Family Feud
Fonnie and I differ on so little, it’s significant when we retain opposing views.
Hers is that family affairs have nothing to do with business.
Mine is that clients appreciate candour and humanity.
Fonnie is wise.
My business is successful.
So who’s right?
Our chronic debate has covered many scenarios. See what you think.
Gone to the Dogs?
If I missed a client phone call due to walking my dogs, I used to apologise and say as much.
Fonnie argued that my unsolicited admission would win few votes, especially from those toiling daily in windowless rooms.
I recognised the difference between truth and blurting and am now less forthcoming.
House Call
Last week I had to cancel a client meeting due to a pivotal family medical appointment.
Against Fonnie’s advice, I told two client representatives in broad terms what was going on.
One was sympathetic; the other annoyed.
A tie.
Truth or Dare
I’m fully booked for the next fortnight. Yet it’s highly likely my family will need me during this time.
If they do, I’ll put them first.
But what, if anything, should I tell clients whose deadlines I miss?
Have you ever phoned a supplier to be told, ‘He’s in a meeting’ and you know he isn’t?
I’ve even heard (disgruntled) secretaries say, ‘He’s gone to the pub’ or ‘He’s on the toilet’.
I see here that discretion is preferred.
But if someone I seek is tending a loved one, I’d much rather be told than deceived.
In my book, to understand is to forgive.
Body Blow
On the other hand, some people fling family matters in your face like a smoke screen.
When I advised our architect that her $3000 laundry plans (developed over weeks) made no provision for our washing machine, she promptly cited a miscarriage and stopped taking my calls.
Then there’s grey areas. For instance, does a snake bite wield less gravitas on a teen than a toddler if they’re both your kids?
Help!
I won’t lie to clients.
But I don’t wish to bore them with matters they consider irrelevant.
I feel my approach should be situational, but I’m crap at reading situations.
I therefore rely on your views to illuminate this picture.
What do you think of life, death, customers, family, the universe and all that?
Paul Hassing, Founder & Senior Writer, The Feisty Empire
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It’s a really tough one, and think it begins with the nature of your relationship with your client.
If it’s new, ‘in a meeting’ or ‘tending to family emergency’ will suffice, if they’re regular, good clients whom you share a good relationship with, I dont see the problem in fleshing it out a little more so they understand.
I wrote a blog post about this “When the world keeps spinning” (read it here http://bit.ly/kjt8JM) – when you have issues to deal with – health, family etc – and you still have a business to run.
It’s good to think about the practicalities of running a business and being sick – a contingency plan!
Wow, Leah. Your post is SO good. If I’d read that last week, I wouldn’t have written this one. You really cover all bases. Your reasonable, truthful, situational approach totally resonates with me. Thanks very much for your wise words. P.
Hi Paul. Thank you for sharing this post with us. We’re thinking of you and your family.
Thank you, Naomi. You have been very flexible and understanding and I greatly appreciate it.
No worries, sorry I was too late! Hope everything is ok!
I’ve dealt with/am dealing with my fair share of illness. It’s genuinely tough to be a business owner – particularly a ’soloist’ at these times.
Hang in there!
Have to agree with the above post on it depends on the relationship. I am not one to discuss personal things but if asked I will elaborate. If I am away I am away personal, business or otherwise.
However if I do know you and have known you a while and our conversations usually go beyond “How was your weekend, they respond good, I respond great” then I am more likely to give more away as long as you do.
I can see how others can get annoyed if you are out walking your dogs (during business hours) and they are desperate to reach you. I don’t want to hear that and if you tell me you were with clients (lie or not) I will wait your return call.
Do people want to know that I slept 4 hours last night because my toddler wouldn’t settle and that at 2pm I will be ready for a nap and won’t be able to concentrate, probably not. I don’t think my wife cares either. I might have another coffee (or some sugar) and get on with it.
I can be harsh.
Thank you, MCB. You and Leah nailed it. My longer-term clients have definitely been much more interested/sympathetic than my newer ones. I really must learn to use discretion and temper my approach. Immediately.
Thoughts are with you and your family Paul. I think Leah’s post had good tips. For me it depends on the situation and the relationship with the client so I don’t believe it is a black and white situation. That said I do think you need to use discretion as what is honesty to you is over sharing to others.
In your example one client didn’t take the news so well and I guess that also reflects on them. One last thought is to take a few moments and see what deadlines could be missed and work out possible alternatives to discuss with the clients so they are forewarned.
Take care
Many thanks, Susan. Reading your advice in the cold light of morning, it all makes such perfect sense.
I guess I panicked when the situation turned bad and I had a phalanx of work deadlines bearing down on me. My first impulse was to thrust them all back so I had room to think and act on matters to hand. I realise now that I overdid it.
It can be a tricky one. And for me it depends on the issue and the relationship with my client. Most of my clients know all my family (and I know theirs) so I’m pretty honest when it’s small stuff and big stuff that means I need to ask for flexibility and patience.
If it’s small stuff I usually just say I’m not available at this time, but can be at this time. I frequently send calls to voice mail and just say sorry I missed your call when I return them. If I’m not going to be able to return a call or email in detail then I’ll try and send a quick text or email to say thanks I got it, and will reply at a nominated time. No-one has ever taken issue with this, and most are grateful that I’m aware they want something from me.
When my mum unexpectedly died recently I basically shut down my business for 6 months as I was fairly incapable of functioning at a “normal” level. I emailed all my clients immediately to tell them I would be out of action for at least 1 week and away from Brisbane for at least 5 weeks, but operating remotely and still contactable. I did all the urgent client work (admittedly some was a bit behind schedule) and a bit of new stuff for current clients. Any new opportunities I put on hold or referred elsewhere. Very happily all my clients stuck with me during that difficult time and I attribute that to the strong relationships I had built and the fact that I was honest with where I was at emotionally. I even picked up a new client who was prepared to wait for me to get my brain back in gear!
So yes, for me being honest is critical, and for me, if the client isn’t prepared to be understanding that life (and death) does impact on business, then I don’t actually want to work with that type of person.
What a comment, Mel! A very personal share. A smart (and gutsy) strategy. Unbelievably loyal clients. I barely know you, but you’ve just painted a vivid picture of the kind of person you are. Thank you.
Paul, in these situations and I went through family illnesses a few years ago I always say to others is there is no right or wrong way to react. Do what feels right at the time for you and your family. You can’t be rational in highly emotional situations. My suggestion related to when you have the time to think, not when you are in the midst of the situation.
Hi Paul, I’m also sorry to learn you’re dealing with family illness right now.
And it is difficult to know how much to disclose… but I believe honesty is generally the best policy. Sure, there’s a place for discretion, but I think the balance comes with letting people know a) I’m dealing with a personal/family crisis and apologise for any inconvenience; and b) I’m letting you know this because I value you as a client and want to assure you I’ll do all I can to minimise the disruption to you.
I believe most people would be supportive – unless of course you’ve ALWAYS got some kind of personal/family crisis going on.
In the meantime, my thoughts go out to you and your family.
Thank you, Susan and Anna. Your words ring true. I’ve always had a problem with picking the right level of disclosure and your comments, along with the others, are extremely helpful.
Thanks Paul. For me that was really the only solution and hopefully an experience I don’t have to go through again.
You said it, Mel. Losing one’s mother, especially suddenly, is a bitter pill indeed. My mum was 81, but the ‘good innings’ rationalisation does bugger-all to dull the pain.
G’Day Paul,
Sorry to hear about the family illness. Trust it works out OK for you. As I read your post, these words popped into my head
“And I often rather fancy that I’d like to change with Clancy
Go a’droving down the Lachlan…….”
I’ve run a business for 33 years. There are just no right or wrong answers to some questions. Follow your gut mate. Follow your gut.
Look after yourself.
Regards
Leon
Thank you, Leon. You are a very kind bloke indeed.
Paul, this is a great SBO question. Has me wondering a few things:
Are clients more sympathetic to emergencies/unplanned events than walking the dog during standard business hours? Once upon a time in a big business, I would have preferred to tell a client that the employee on their account had an unexpected family matter & we were seeing what we could juggle to handle the client’s work, insteAd of blame it on other commitments. Of course, you expect that big business employees only miss work hours due to unexpected events or planned leave that doesn’t impact the client.
Also, if your client is unsympathetic to your snake bitten teen, are they the kind of client you want to work with?
I increasingly find, especially in IT, that clients seem to expect instant response times from other business they engage to work for them. We have more tools than your average person to improve our response time, but the client still has to realize that if they are not paying you a salary to be at their beck & call 8hrsx5days, then sometimes you can’t instantly respond to their call. You aren’t their employee.
Many thanks, Sonia.
Thinking about this dog-walking thing, I realise I should have added that I was at my desk from 5.30 am, working on their stuff, and that I expected to still be there at 7.30 pm. The midday walk, by keeping me fit, fresh, keen and sane, was their guarantee of top work. Perhaps it’s all in the packaging.
One of my IT advisors has looked after me at all sorts of ungodly hours. When he got really crook, I held off bothering him with all my stuff for weeks, so as not to put him under pressure.
I get the strong impression that you and yours deliver service that’s way beyond the call. I’m sad to hear you don’t always get the respect you deserve, but glad to know you may use this criterion to filter less desirable clients.
Hi Paul,
Sorry to hear about the illness. On 28th May, my father passed away in India and I had to drop everything and just leave for India. It was on a weekend and from Singapore airport I dropped a note to all our current customers about my situation and told them that I will be unavailable for the next couple of weeks.
Apart from one, the rest of them were very understanding and gave me the time to grieve at the family loss. All our clients are SME businesses and they all struggle to balance such things in life. Almost all of them volunteered support and asked me to put family first.
Instead of giving them vague excuses, I told our customers honestly that I was going to be in India and not contactable by phone or email.
After I returned I personally thanked each one of them and am working as hard and fast as I can to finish outstanding work.
Siva
I’m humbled by your contribution, Siva. Especially so soon after your huge loss. Thank you very much for shining your light in our forum.
As a sole trader, it’s also a really good idea to build relationships with similar service providers, which can help in times of emergency.. or even if you just want to take a break.
Having just taken 6 weeks away from my own business with a wedding and honeymoon (not a family crisis, thankfully, but still a major interruption)I got in touch with a couple of copywriters I know to see if they would be available to take on any projects I wouldn’t be able to. I also posted my intended movements on my website and social media outlets to give my existing and potential clients plenty of notice.
With new queries that came in before and during my break, I was very up front about my availability and the reasons why. If their projects weren’t able to wait until I was back on deck, I could at least give them a couple of referral options. As far as I’m aware, most people were happy with that arrangement and most were prepared to work in with my schedule.
It may seem poor practice to refer work to “the competition”, but that also works both ways. I’ve taken on projects for these other writers when they’ve been too busy or needed a break… and it’s nice to know there someone there to help you out if you need it.
Again, I think if you’re up front with your clients and do the best you can to minimise the impact to them, most will be pretty reasonable.
Gosh that’s a good point, Anna; thanks!
I often say ‘the pie is infinite’ which means I’d rather work with ‘competitors’ to grow our industry than strive to steal their slice.
Your approach is the embodiment of this philosophy and I plan to take a leaf from your clever book. Best regards, P.
From what I can tell about you Paul, you have a very compassionate and genuine nature. Therefore your customers would understand that your intentions are to always do the best job for them regardless of what situations arise from time to time.
That’s a very different scenario from someone who shows indifference as to how their behaviour affects their clients.
Your transparency is likely to be one of the many reasons why people like to work with you. It shows your respect for your clients.
Personally, I would love to hear someone is out walking their dogs, but I would tear up the card of anyone who says they are in a meeting when in fact they are out walking their dogs. But hey, what’s ok to me may not be to the next guy.
If a personal situation is going to change the normal delivery of our work, the level of detail would be case by case but in essence, isn’t telling them the truth the only way we allow that client to make a decision based on their values, not ours?
All the best.
Geez we’re getting some incredible comments today! Your words warm my heart, Jo. Thank you for adding them to our debate.
Truth is great, but it seems a bit like medicine. Too much and you can poison some people.
But lies are always toxic, no matter how small the dose.
Therefore, I do see I need to adjust the quantity of truth I impart. But if I happen to overdose, I can think of worse ways to go.
Transparency can embarrass or even pain those close to me. So I also realise my duty to them.
I don’t know whether it’s because I’m lazy, selfish or stupid, but I’m always attracted to Twain’s maxim: ‘If you tell the truth, you don’t have to remember anything’.
Just checking in from Istanbul. SOrry to hear about your family Illness, Paul. This post has a lot of fantastic contributions – thanks everyone!
I think Jo makes a great point -if it impacts on what the client gets from you, then it is reasonable to consider informing them (in some way) that you will be on ‘altered service’ for some time. Otherwise they can make up their own storis about the changes they see (in work style, quality, timing, availability, etc) which can effect their view of you, your brand and your business into the future.
I know some real ‘blurters’ – that tell all their personal stuff to everyone. This extreme hardly works and made me come up with the following idea:
Truth is what is going on for me right now
Honesty is sharing that with those involved/effected
Tact is finding the right way to tell them so that they ‘get’ the message in the right and appropriate way.
We can know our truth. We can have a desire to be honest. Unless we consider the reality of the other person (the client), we cannot deliver our message with tact. Some clients ‘love’ openness, others ‘hate it’.
Therefore, I’d say ‘horses for courses’ (if we were going droving with Leon!). Right and Wrong depends on the ‘how’.
Brilliant summary, Phil! The way you put it is so clear. I now realise I have a congenital tact defect. I do hope these commenter implants take. Thanks, once again, for joining us from across the seas.
Maybe you should publicise your hours 5.30am – 1.30pm (8 hours)
Otherwise by appointment.
Some people would relish being able to contact you at 7.30 rather than wait for the ubiquitous 9.30am to start ‘their’ day -
Tricky this ‘deadline’ caper – I personally think they should be banned
In this case of you knowing you’re going to need some family time in the coming weeks, I’d be diarizing an allocation of your time so you can be as honest and accurate with your scheduled work time-frames -
Hope it all works out
Hi, Linda. I’ve tried every trick in the book to keep regular hours. But when work arrives, I feel compelled to do it immediately lest it vanishes.
Fonnie has implored me to take one day off per week, but even this has failed. There’s nothing like a GFC to make you make hay when it shines.
That said, I’m not committing to any big projects until the smoke clears on the family front. I’m also negotiating much gentler deadlines to the smaller jobs I do feel able to take on. This seems to be working.
Thank you very much for your views.
Hi Paul:
I’m afraid I’m with Fonnie on this issue. Here’s why:
#1 Unless you’re among a handful of semi-famous mompreneurs or potty-mouthed Internet marketers–whose personal branding relies on naked emotional disclosures–oversharing very often comes back to haunt you and weaken your business relationships.
#2 Ultimately, running your business is–just as we tell our clients–not about you. It’s about your customers.
It’s not that you don’t have a right to a personal life and obligations to manage family events and crises. Of course you do.
But it’s unreasonable to expect clients to care about these things. They have their own family events and crises–that may well hinge on your deliverables.
That said, one of the key benefits of freelancing is a flexible schedule. I walk my dog every day and never answer my phone when I’m in the woods with The Beast. If I get a phone call, it goes to Voicemail and I return the call as soon as possible. I feel no obligation to share with my client the fact that I was walking my dog. Why would they care? It’s not relevant to them. Not that I need to lie–my daily schedule is my own. They only thing that matters is that I get back in touch in a timely fashion.
Regarding canceling business meetings: I would try hard to rearrange meetings and deadlines without revealing personal information, if at all possible. Even if this means working early or late to come in on deadline. And I would NOT share tales of my midnight toil with clients.
Sharing private info puts even the nicest clients in a very uncomfortable situation: Part of them wants to sympathize with you, but another part resents the inconvenience of having your crisis become their crisis. Again, put yourself in their shoes: Their professional–and personal–well-being may depend on your professionalism.
As a woman with children, I admit I may be overly scrupulous about separating work and private life. Early on I felt a bias against women with kids: clients, agencies and recruiters often asked probing questions about how I juggled the professional-personal balance–always with the implication that my family life might interfere with my work.
(BTW, in 20 years, I’ve never missed a deadline, but I have often had to limit the number of projects I take on–and income I make–and work graveyard hours to come through on commitments.)
I’m very sorry to hear about your family’s health troubles and hope they resolve speedily. In this difficult time, you do need to share, complain and cry. Just not to clients. That’s what your thousands of friends and colleagues around the world are for, Paul! You have my email–and permission to kvetch to me 24/7.
Keeping you and your family in my thoughts and prayers.
Dear Lorraine, this is why you’re my favourite American copywriter. A wise comment, flawlessly crafted, that spoke great sense and made me look up ‘kvetch’. Your logic is inescapable. I’ve been following and reading you for ages and I didn’t even know you had kids!
Thank you for your generous contribution and sentiments. I must say I’ve gained a lot of unexpected comfort from comments like yours. This isn’t the stated intention of this blog (though it could perhaps just fit under the ‘warts-and-all’ provision).
It’s great to know you’re over there. As to your words, they’re already inside me. Best regards, P.
Paul – sorry you had cause to write this post and hope all works out well for your fam.
Family always comes first – but at the same time clients allow you to look after your family, so it’s important to look after both.
A degree of judgement is required for every situation, and if you’re not sure, better to err on the side of caution. If it’s a personal issue say it’s a personal issue, and then tell them what’s relevant to them i.e. how it’s going to affect the work you’re doing for them. People will be understanding as long as you’re up front about how it’s going to affect them – the tension builds when communication breaks down and you’ve got no idea what’s going on.
Some clients you know you can elaborate a bit more with. For example, I know I can tell some of my clients I’m hungover one morning and they’ll be entertained by it and want to know details – this builds relationships.
They’re the thoughts of the person with probably the least life experience amongst these comments, so take what you will from it
Thank you, Dan; I take a great deal from all your comments. So please keep them coming!
Paul
Sorry to hear of illness
As I lay on resolve bay beach hong kong spending this week with my daughter
Family comes first and all my clients know I am here
My clients expect me to be at my best when i do what I do so you must recharge. They also know very clearly that they are just one part of the Banjar family, an important part but just one part. Family community my team and customers form the Banjar but family is why I do it.
Mike the HK sales cat
Many thanks, Mike. Gee, you and Phil sure get around. I like your philosophy, and the fact you took the time to share it with us. Happy travels!