Little Things
Not all recruitment firms are the same.
Yeah right!
Speaking of recruitment agencies, when Andrew told me his was ‘different’, I took it with a shovel of salt.
Having dealt extensively with job consultants as a client, supplier and candidate, I’d formed the strong view that in this field:
Confidence
Expertise = Infinity
But when Andrew decided to prove his difference by asking me to optimise his email sign-off, I was pleasantly surprised.
Before
The ‘before’ shot of this sign-off is so boring, I put it at the end of this post. Otherwise I’d lose you for sure.
It’s so familiar, you don’t even need to read it.
Suffice to say it was 188 words of pompous, alienating, deathly-boring drivel that Andrew and his staff sent to their clients with every email.
During
Andrew wanted to create a point of difference – albeit small – from his competitors.
This was totally in keeping with my oft-stated philosophy that ‘every communication builds or erodes your brand’.
I was excited.
After
I gave Andrew’s sign-off The Treatment, which entailed running the copy through dozens of filters.
I sieved out long words, jargon, passive language, legalese, clichés (and much much more).
After a bit of back and forth, here’s what we ended up with:
This email (and attachments) is just for you. If it has reached you in error, please tell us and delete it now. It belongs to us, is private and comes under our trade terms. If you or anyone use, reveal or issue it without our consent, we’ll seek payment for loss. We check for viruses, but suggest you do too as we’re not liable for virus damage. Emails aren’t secure: treat ours with respect and we’ll do the same. As Mark Twain said: ‘Always do right. This will gratify some people and astonish the rest’.
Better
At 95 words, this was half the length of the old one.
It was clearer and more concise, yet just as comprehensive.
It even had humanity and humour.
We dug it.
Results
Andrew had long been peeved at how most people think all agencies are the same, when there are actually salient differences.
He’d found it hard to convince (especially HR) people that agencies can be a legitimate business-building partner.
While we weren’t talking sheep stations, this new sign-off was the first shot in a campaign to differentiate Blyss from the mob.
It didn’t take long for clients and candidates to notice and comment. Feedback was overwhelmingly positive.
Small Mercies
By starting small, we tackled a manageable task while laying the foundations for a friendly-yet-professional corporate style that now pervades every communication Blyss Personnel puts out.
I consider this initiative a success (enough to table it here as a case study).
We often hear that in business, ‘little things mean a lot’.
I think they do.
Do you?
WARNING! Boring Bit. Enter at Own Risk.
Internet email is not a secure communication medium, and we advise that you observe this lack of security when emailing us. Notwithstanding, this email is for the use of the intended recipient(s) only. Any opinion or advice it contains is subject to our terms and conditions of business. If you have received it in error, please notify the sender immediately and then delete the message. If you are not the intended recipient you must not use, disclose, or distribute this email without the author’s prior permission. We have taken precautions to minimise the risk of transmitting software viruses, but we advise that you carry out your own virus checks on an attachment to this message. We cannot accept liability for any loss or damage caused by software viruses. The information contained in this e-mail and its attachments is private and confidential and remains the property of Blyss Personnel Pty Ltd. Use of this information by the recipient or third parties for personal or professional gain will result in charges being applied by Blyss Personnel to the value of any loss or damage incurred by Blyss Personnel Pty Ltd.
Paul Hassing, Founder & Senior Writer, The Feisty Empire
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I love it. From little things, big things grow…
Thanks Stephen. Paul Kelly?
Nice one, Paul! Great example of what words are meant to do. And as an ex-lawyer (recovering lawyer?) and journalist, I know of what I speak…
Hi Paul,
Thank you for this post. I think there’s a general feeling in business that you have to sound official and serious which, for some reason, translates into long-winded communications like this one. I think the trend is turning on that as people realise it’s more important to get people reading your content than “looking” official.
Oh wow; two industrial-strength copywriters commenting in one minute!
This post MUST be good! (Cheques in the mail …)
Thank you, Joanna and Sarah, for your kind words.
Hi Paul,
It is funny but it seems all Recruiters, or at least the ones I know have a paragraph at the end. Is it a legal thing?
I actually wonder if anyone takes any notice or it has any advantages that results in repeat business.
Must say though your paragraph is much better but then I would expect nothing else.
Susan
Hi, Susan.
I know from my former career that HR Managers are among the twitchiest cats in the jungle.
I couldn’t move without giving my former firms’ senior managers and legal staff palpitations.
But I can’t speak for recruitment agencies.
I wonder, after my blunt treatment of this topic, whether they’ll speak to ME?!
Really nice to get your comment and questions, Susan; thank you.
95 words that compel the reader to [actually!] read them and leave you wanting to learn more about the company.
This case study demonstrates what a Photoshop Wizard of Words (PhWoW?) can do to superfluous sleep inducing copy.
More signal and less noise, and not one word wasted.
That comment (and its related retweet) are going STRAIGHT to the Pool Room!
Thank you, Zoe; you honour me.
Yep! You should open a shop mate! It’s what ya do with it!
I was devoutly in Susan’s camp until I read this bit… – “It didn’t take long for clients and candidates to notice and comment. Feedback was overwhelmingly positive.” -…which obviously means that some people actually do read those boring bits at the bottom of emails. Now that’s truly amazing…and just a bit scary
If I may offer one tincy bit of critique from this user’s perspective mate? In the first line I’m told that the email and attachments are ‘just for me’. Then in the next line it says “It belongs to us…”. I feel like I’ve been given something and then had it taken back. ???
And why does ‘business’ yet insist on using words that are usually associated with ‘war’? e.g. Campaign.
Once again a mighty fine post and I always appreciate that you are happy to share your fine work with the everyone mate…it’s that kind of generosity that is going to change our world from one of ‘busi-ness’ to one of ‘relaxed-ness’. Bring it on!
Cheers
Stephen G
Thank you Stephen; your kind advice duly noted.
Having studied the Punic Wars rather too long for my health, it’s hard to break a habit. Consider it a classical touch, rather than a military bent.
Andrew was indeed brave to let me tell his story with such candour. He has my respect, and I suspect he’ll garner more with this reveal.
With regard to ownership, many consider life a gift. It’s yours to use for three score and ten (plus medical advancements), but We retain the copyright. Geddit?
I have 2 points to make here:
1. The revision was brilliant and actually made sense
2. I was surprised he actually used it
The second point because we all get wrapped up in the legally, morally and socially correctness that is out of control.
So I applaud his ‘walk the talk’ and he actually used it.
On this topic, have you watched a DVD lately with that crazy disclaimer? The comments and views expressed are not necessarily the views of XYZ pictures, their associated company or employees’
Give me a break! So when I cue up Saw 5 and someone expresses an opinion on the best way to torture someone to death then I assume it is a direct reflection of the attitudes and opinions of the company, get offended and sue them?
Really. And the worst thing is that you can’t fast forward through it. IS this society going mad? Do we really need an email signoff longer than the actual email.
I vote no, brothers and sisters, are you with me?
Darn good points, Malcolm. Thank you.
I can hear Stephen G belting out an AMEN from here!
The views I express are mine alone. They comprise a grey brick wall (framed by a rotting wooden window and grim steel security bars) unscreened by the four trees I flogged on eBay.
I’m with you!
AMEN Malcolm!
And re: ‘we retain the copyright’: Boy! Do I ‘geddit’…we’re soaking in it, remember?
Onya Cobbas.
Cheers
Stephen G
PS Nowhere near enough smilies Malcolm ;-P
Good show, Stephen!
Malcolm: herewith http://bit.ly/dkSNwy
Yep, it was Paul Kelly. As an aside, you’d think he’d be a bloke with a Pool Room also, eh?
An ‘Amen’ in Malcolm’s direction, and a ‘Wow!’ at the Smiley Dictionary.
He’d need a BIG Pool Room to accommodate the Nylex Clock, the MCG and other assorted icons.
Glad you like the smileys. That Seth Godin’s a clever chap alright.
Excellent.
(It is, afterall, all about the words.)
Saw a few sentences worthy of lifting…..
Cheryl
Lift away, Cheryl!
I dunno what the disclaimer is meant to do and, whilst Paul yours is a beautiful rework of what they meant to say, why the heck do they have it at all? I notice Megan doesn’t have anything on the bottom of her e-mails and MYOB must be aware of all the litigious and other minefields through which they must chart a course. I think its a sad case of doing what everyone else does just coz everyone else does it!
That’s a very good point, Winston. Throughout the whole exercise I never questioned the NEED for the sign-off. I just assumed Andrew’s legal eagles knew what they were doing.
During my HR years, I saw candidates pull outrageous stunts in the pursuit of work opportunities. Perhaps Andrew was being ultra cautious in this regard. Especially as he often acts on behalf of large corporate clients.
Naomi, can you shed light on why MYOB doesn’t feel the need for sign-offs?
Hi Winston and Paul. That’s one I’ll need to check with the experts here.
Winston – apologies – the subscriber emails should be coming from my email address, however I have hit a technical snag with an add on in Word Press (when I updated it from Megan’s email address). This should be updated in the coming weeks.
Thanks, Naomi.
I put the call out on Twitter a couple of times, but nobody has stepped forward to say if we actually need these jolly things.
I look forward to hearing what your boffins reckon.
PAUL,
Greetings from rural Australia.
I remember this mumbo jumbo starting in the days of faxes.
Banks and lawyers initiated the disclaimers at the bottom of faxes to protect themselves in case they accidentally faxed your financial details to your neighbour and your pending lawsuit particulars to your mortal enemy.
And quickly carried it over to emails.
The ones I receive say if I received this information by accident I’m to disregard it, destroy it immediately and not share the information with anyone.
Fat chance if it’s juicy and salacious and scandalous.
As with all disclaimers, all care and no responsibility is useless in a court of law if the address/fax number you give them is correct but the address sent to is typed in incorrectly by a member of staff.
I recently received court papers in the mail addressed to me, but meant for another Carol Jones. The court action related to a serious charge.
I rang the law firm on the letterhead. The solicitor I talked to said that as the papers were not meant for me, it was my responsibility to destroy them. I mailed them back to her with a note saying she can do it herself.
Which is the purpose of the disclaimer. If you’re in possession of information divulged to you by mistake, the onus is on you to forget you ever saw it or share it with someone else.
Fat chance!
Best wishes and take care,
Carol
Carol Jones
Director
Interface Pty Ltd
Designers of The Fitz Like A Glove™ Ironing Board Cover
http://www.InterfaceAustralia.com
http://www.SimpleSolutionsForDifficultProblems.com
Fantastic comment, Carol! You’ve left me wiser. Thanks a lot for crossing the Twitter bridge to our shore. I appreciate it!