Out There
Long-distance communication is hard.
Love triangulation is even worse.
A few weeks ago my bank called.
Well, not really my bank.
They wanted my feedback.
Well, not really my feedback.
At a time that suited me.
Well not really …
Get the idea?
Here’s what really happened.
Backchat
My phone did ring: that much is true.
But instead of my bank, it was an agency contracted to call me on their behalf.
They’d been told to get my views on service quality.
I said I was keen to participate, as there were some issues that had been bugging me for years.
Like why statements never start at the start of each month and end at the end.
The agency girl said she wasn’t able to take that sort of feedback; she only had a set survey.
She asked if I wanted to do it.
I said yes, but that it wasn’t convenient just then.
She asked when it would be convenient.
I said in three days.
She said the survey would be over by then.
So we parted.
Lone Star
Thanks to this exercise, I’m not just a statistical anomaly, I’m an insignificant datum.
In fact, as far as my bank’s concerned, I don’t even exist.
The agency report won’t contain my non-standard feedback.
Rather, it’ll comprise responses from customers who:
- Have nothing better to do at 3 pm on a Thursday.
- Are happy to confine their views to A, B, C, D and 1 to 5.
- Don’t mind dealing with someone pretending to be their bank.
I could be wrong, but I strongly suspect this service quality report is going to look quite good.
Management will have the hard data they need to confidently command Full Steam Ahead and More of The Same.
Meanwhile, back on earth, I’ve just been reminded of all the things I hate about my bank.
Maybe it’s time we went our separate ways.
Three-Way Tie
Let’s check the facts:
- A closed-question survey.
- Run by a stranger.
- That ends before I can begin.
Would you feel the love in this arm’s-length affair?
Paul Hassing , Founder & Senior Writer, The Feisty Empire
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I was working as a waitress in a cocktail bar. THAT much is true.
What do you mean ‘was’?!
Hi Paul
It sounds like a phone call to confirm what you already knew..maybe a prompt to change direction.
Ensha
I think you’re right, Ensha. As with my internet service provider, I’m starting to realise that I ignore these signs at my peril.
What a shame the GFC safety banket killed most non-bank competitors. Wish the barriers to change weren’t so high.
Still, if you expect different results, you gotta do different stuff. Thanks for your comment!
Bloody banks! They spend tens of millions on advertising telling us that they are the ‘friendly bank’ or that ’service is our top priority’ but they fail miserably on all fronts.
This is yet another example – the Claytons survey.
Why don’t they just walk the talk? How many times have you walked into your branch and had the manager there welcoming you to their branch with a hand shake and warm sincere smile?
Never that’s when.
So why do they put it on their ads? Who are they trying to fool here? Do I really look that stupid?
Then they cry poor and add a $10 monthly fee to the ‘no fees, no way, no time’ account I opened.
Yet the report in the Financial Review read: ‘The Sydney-based bank said that its net profit for the 12 months ended June 30 fell to $4.72 billion from $4.79bn a year earlier’.
Poor bastards. It looks like 2 ply in the executive toilets from now on.
They stopped sending me statements because I now had to ‘opt in’ but they had failed to tell me about it. In the really busy times they have only one teller on.
So what is their survey about:
Q1 – How do you rate the bank’s service?
A – Brilliant
B – Outstanding
C – Excellent
Thanks for coming but you can keep your survey and perhaps use the results in the executive bathroom – save money and a suitable outcome.
Now THAT’S a rant, Malcolm! Yet still informative and grounded in fact. Looks like your trip to Milan has left you somewhat energised. Thank you for weighing (laying?) in! You are very funny.
At least you had a ‘person’ on the other end of the line ~ My last follow up survey from Telstra was all done by their female robot (you know the one who answers and says ‘So I may direct your call just say in a few words what this call is about’and then shuffles you off to a human dept that has to then manually redirect you to the correct area?
I know everyone will have had the letter from the old lady to the bank in their Inbox ~ But its still funny (and also according to this ref: http://bit.ly/8ZzsXe was not written by a little old lady but a writer for the Courier Mail who like you was pushed to put pen to paper about the irritations of banks.
And, on a positive note, wonders never cease but my business bank statements do now run month to month
Thank you, Linda (and sorry your comment got hung up there for a while). Nice work on your statements.
That link is an oldie but a real goodie.
Don’t get me started on the ROBOT!
It’s really nice to have you gracing our pages.
Speaking of ROBOTS, it seems some folk like them:
http://www.theage.com.au/technology/enterprise/service-with-a-digital-smile-20100621-ys3u.html
Thanks Paul,
By the way what bar is Adam working at? I have a strange desire to visit him there. I’ve heard he looks great in heels.
I think it’s called ‘Raising the Bar’.
Let me know how you get on.
Actually, don’t bother!
Hi Paul,
I’m with you on this. If I’m feeling feisty, I’ll write a letter to the subject of the survey telling them all the reasons their data won’t amount to anything useful. Honestly, if you want to hear only what you want to hear, speak to you grandma. Most of them are full of support and flattery. If you really want to improve your service and customer experience, be ready for anything.
The title of my current blog post starts with “Customer Lip Service”. It’s a tale of woe. Sorry to hear you’re reading the same book.
Hi, Sarah. Nice to know I’m not the only feisty one round here!
Your advice is very good. And your post is riveting recommended reading! Many thanks for your visit.
Banks, Tel-Co’s, Anti-virus ~ All these companies use economies of scale, where they to us = bland & faceless and where we to them = one, one of the many –
We’ve allowed these lords of the manor to grow big and fat up in their castles by us the peasants paying our dues
We think we’re living in a modern era, but what has changed?
We live in a capitalist society where $ is king, to hell with the people
We’re still in the middle ages
Dear Linda, I suspect your words may resonate with some of our other readers. Your assesment is sad, but true.
Yet we’re building a community of people here who don’t accept this sort of rot. Individuals who prize truth and honour and beauty and value.
So, while it is is pretty grim out there, it’s at least getting warmer in here.
Whoa! Malcolm! If I didn’t know any better I’d think you were channeling ummm….me
Is it ok to get vicariously impressed with one’s self? 
Anyway, I’m at least damn impressed with you mate…nicely said as always…
In fact, everyone here seems to be on the same page…except Adam who is just plain scary ;-P
I’m never going to another Cocktail Bar…risen or not…ever!
Cheers
Stephen G
Speak of the devil and he walks right in! I thought you might dig Linda’s musings, Stephen. And her turn of phrase. Looks like we’re not alone!
Not quite mate…I only just make ‘advocate’…I haven’t got the big job…yet ;-P
And indeed Linda’s laconic lilts live long, large and laudable …
Cheers
Stephen G
Well, if he has a good progression and succession plan, you’ll be moving in lower circles before you can say ‘knife’.
Sing out if you need a character ref!
Out-out, out-out, out-out out-out-out out…
Best you don’t sign it though mate…
I’ll make sure you only ever get a Visitor’s pass ;-P
May the Farce be with You
G nehpetS ;-P
Once again Paul: I feel your pain brother.
Banks suck.
But unless anyone here is in executive management of one of the banks, I see little point adding to the echo chamber.
That is unless this experience can be used as the impetus to ponder how this negative experience could relate to our own businesses, and what we could learn. For instance, after reading this post a few questions popped into my head:
1. What customer feedback mechanisms, such as surveys, am I running at present?
2. Am I getting the most out of them by tailoring these feedback mechanisms to my clients, and by being flexible?
3. Am I inclined to ignore, or rationalise criticism and negative issues that are raised from this feedback?
Golly, Stephen H, you sure know how to get good marrow out of bare bones!
I applaud your silver lining detector and would love to borrow it next time I go to the beach!