Go the guts
Do you feel and follow your instincts?
It’s cold, dark and raining. You’re tired, hungry and far from home.
A car pulls up: bright, inviting. The clean-cut driver smiles.
He offers a lift – just into town. Nora Jones croons.
It looks safe, but something in you goes click.
‘No, thank you.’
Long road
Having endured the GFC, we may be tempted to take the first ride that comes our way.
But is it in our best interests to do so?
At first blush, gut feelings and cool business decisions seem diametrically opposed.
Until we recall that business revolves around humans – a complex and volatile species.
In the cut-throat world of commerce, could our sixth sense be our most valuable?
No feeling
We’ve talked about sacking clients, letting them die on the vine and saying ‘no’ when we’d rather say ‘yes’.
Now I’d like to discuss the strong feeling I get when I’m certain something just isn’t going to work out.
I want to know if you feel it too.
Heart & mind
I felt it a while ago, after three rounds of passive-aggressive email pong with a business contact.
The feeling started in my head, breaking my concentration for work. So I rode to the pool.
After a kilometre, I was in ‘the zone’. Suddenly I thought about the emails again. My stroke broke, my speed bled and my body sank in the water.
By thinking of other stuff, I got going again, but the same thing happened twice more.
That night I couldn’t sleep for ages.
When I did, I dreamt about someone who’d proved to be very ‘bad news’ in the past.
On waking at 4 am, heart pounding and guts knotted, I knew I couldn’t deal with this person any more.
Escape
Severing contact was un-fun. From the moment I did, however, I started to feel better in every way.
It took another full day to regain my mojo, but the relief was acute.
Questions
- Does your gut have feelings about dealings?
- If so, how do they manifest?
- Have you followed them and been proven right?
- Have you ignored them and gone wrong?
I yearn for your input.
However wrenching.
Paul Hassing , Founder & Senior Writer, The Feisty Empire
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In a husband and wife business I have to admit my wife’s instincts with some things are spot on. I have found myself setting imposible deadlines just to please a client and then they are not prompt payers or they are definite complainers.
Trust yourself when you think it’s a no-go and don’t feel bad to shrug off an offer.
I hear you, Brendan! Fonnie’s job title at the Empire ain’t ‘Voice of Reason’ for nothing!
I’ve found most women run rings round me on this sort of thing. Could it be their special gift?
Thanks a lot for sharing your view.
Absolutely! Yes to all 4 questions. One day I’m sure, scientists will find a way to quantify what we all know, our instincts are usually right.
I found myself in the same predicament this week, with a personal rather than business issue. Something just didn’t feel right, despite the many positives of this opportunity. So what did I do? Took the typically female approach of catching up with friends and using them as a sounding board while I thrashed it out. Nothing a bottle of red and a sympathetic ear can’t fix. Great friends let you figure it out yourself and don’t attempt to solve the problem for you.
So wish me luck for buying a house on my own at auction on Saturday, scary but liberating, no safety net for me. My house bought with my money and paid for through my business, I feel like such a grown up!
ps. Thank you M, H and J for being my cheer squad
Nice comment, Angela! You are very generous with your personal stories.
The sounding board is a great idea. I often advise vacillating clients to hit up their trusted advisors before pressing GO.
I think Flip Shelton said ‘the closer you are to the light house, the darker it gets’. So a bit of distance from the issue is also a good idea.
I’m interested to know if many blokes gather their mates in the manner you describe. It seems we’re happy to bitch to everyone when something goes wrong. Perhaps if we didn’t do-it-ourself so often, we’d enjoy more wins. (I feel a case of worms coming on!)
Jolly good luck with the auction, Angela. You must let us know how you go.
Hi Paul, great post. I wish that instinct was one of my special gifts…
No, that’s wrong, i do often have that gut feeling about a client, or a supplier, or a event, or…I just take far too long to act on it! With 20/20 hindsight, there have only been a couple of bad fits that have come completely out of the blue, but a number (too big a number) where I overrode my instinct because I thought it woukld be a good client, or I needed the $$ or whatever.
As 2010 is my year of working smarter, I resolve to act on those feelings from now on, even if I seem to be snatching food form the mouths of my teenager and labrador (who eats as much as the teenager, more if he can filch it…)
Thank you, Joanna. I like the sound of your year!
Watching your incredible YouTube video, I was moved to hear how your feet refused to take you to work on that fateful day. Amazing how the body reflects our mind sometimes.
Recently I had a similar experience whereby a client was requesting many changes to an already established brand. This person had stepped into the business and was trying to make a mark. So she was asking for all the information about what had gone before including how much money had been spent etc etc. I obliged her by retrieving this information which took me well over an hour. When she asked for more detail I suggested I add this administration time to her account. That was when the relationship ended. Woops! I figure my time is more valuable that than her business and happily said goodbye. I only wish I’d listened to my inner voice before i wasted time on this client.
Thanks for letting me share.
Welcome, Claire. Thanks very much for taking the time to add your thoughts.
Your story sounds chillingly familiar.
Isn’t it amazing how swiftly things can turn sour when you DARE to trace even the faintest line in the sand?!
I hope we get the benefit of further shares from you.
Hi Paul,
Your post addresses a very real aspect of self-employment that doesn’t get much publicity. I think intuition is the culmination of a lot of signals and data points we may not be processing individually but, as a whole, add up to a “gut feel”. I’m sure it’s some part of our basic survival instinct.
I was recently given a word of mouth referral to a well-known institution to develop a 3 day workshop. Once I got over being flattered by the consideration, I knew it was business I didn’t want to take on. After messing about with a proposal for a week, I called the client and declined the opportunity but gave recommendations on other people they could contact. About a month later, the opportunity came back around to me through a different part of my network and I was coaxed to participate in a reduced role. I agreed with a nagging feeling I was getting myself into something I would regret. Making a long story short, the whole thing blew up with a lot of rough words and hurt feelings between the client and the team running the project. I’ve managed to escape the drama but wasted a lot of time stolen from my evenings and weekends.
I was bright enough to turn the initial offer down but still let myself get involved at a later date. It’s been a good learning experience.
Dear Sarah, I can’t get over how generous you and the others have been with your stories. Thank you.
Someone’s counsellor once said: ‘No matter what we do, we’re bound to disappoint somebody. So, as long as we don’t go through life with recklessness or malice, it is OK to do our own thing.’
I think these are wise words. And I’m learning that it’s better to inflict and suffer a short, sharp pain up front, than to let it fester until it suppurates and infects everything.
Flattery is a killer. Sole traders, squirrelled away in their burrows, are particularly vulnerable to this ‘validation’. Newbies beware!
Hi Folks,
Wow! You know the comments here are at least as good to read as the maestro’s ‘postros’ and they’re getting better
Having recently entered the world of what ‘boffins’ are all a flutter about calling ‘e-Learning’, I would hold this blog up as a grand exemplar of actual learning with the ‘e’ implied by dint of a bunch of wires and transmitters. But trying to convey how this ‘actual learning’ happens to those with cups overflowing is nigh impossible.
So far, it seems to me that most ‘e-Learning’ is aimed at removing as many people from the learning process as possible, channelling techno-bedazzled students/learners into uninviting ‘e-Labyrinths’ of ‘e-xclusivity’ and ‘e-coercing’ them with the threat of globally recognised redundancy to endure unfortunately adorned ‘e-xaminations’.
I reckon this whole ‘e-Learning’ thing is a bunch of marketing hype. According to my research it can be traced back to a bunch of well-meaning ‘open-source’ geeks (who probably still haven’t been paid), who took an otherwise good idea to some Government folks with ‘Contacts’. As we all know, Governments excel at turning good ideas into bad ones (otherwise Communism probably would’ve worked
), and then the Governments sold it as the next ‘Big Thing’ (on the wrapper it would no doubt have said ‘Innovation’ 
)). Naturally, the Governments swallowed there own malarky ‘hook, line and e-sinker’ and have now spent so much money on it that they can no longer opt out.
Why malarky? I reckon that the first time some one shared a recipe over a telephone it was by definition ‘e-learning’. Reading a blog article on the internet is ‘e-learning’. Getting a bluddy virus that kills your computer and finding out how to prevent another one, is ‘e-Learning’, sticking your finger in a power-point and only doing it once etc, etc…
We forgot what real ‘e-ducation’ was…what makes us think we are going to get it right by using less people and more computers? – don’t believe me. See what a few others have to say. This video goes for about 1.5hours. The first 20 minutes will probably do – It’s a panel of quite notable UK Pedagogues discussing the past and future of ‘e-Learning’).
Am I going to get to the point? Ummm! Yeh! My gut feeling…well, this is all a gut feeling…or at least the result of gut feelings.
I suppose what I’m on about is that my gut feelings have not always been about dealing or not with particular persons or clients, but about dealing or not with ideas in the way that I’m ‘e-xpected’ to by ‘e-xperts’.
On that note I reckon we could put a big sign up in space – ‘Warning! This is Earth! Do not operate without safety equipment. Great ideas badly implemented!’
And yes, as usual I’m generalising. Even about the ‘e-Learning’. There are of course some fine exceptions – Joanna’s video is a fine example of a fine exception.
As always, I could go on…but I’ll stop here. Suffice it to say that I was busily digesting the current ‘industry’ versions of ‘training’, ‘education’ and ‘e-learning’…I got indigestion. I threw-up and remembered why I entered that world. To rebuild my pizza business. I’m getting closer
Cheers
Stephen G
Stephen, you’re not wrong!
Just as I start each post with little idea of where it’ll finish, I’ve learned that what I write is merely a point of departure for our very own (very smart, very experienced) brains trust.
Your recent compliment about me being an e-ducator saw me dispense with the column heater for two nights.
I’m delighted by your assessment of this forum and agree vehemently that it’s our generous readers who make this experience.
Even more exciting is the phrase ‘rebuild my pizza business’. If you don’t give us an update soon, I’ll drive my dying Holden Astra to Canberra and set a firework where you need it least.
Ok! Applying fireworks protective clothing
Oh! And it seems that one of my links went missing from my comment. It should read like this:
“We forgot what real ‘e-ducation’ was…what makes us think we are going to get it right by using less people and more computers? – don’t believe me. See what a few other have to say – ‘Death of VLE’(this video goes for about 1.5hours. The first 20 minutes will probably do – It’s a panel of quite notable UK Pedagogues discussing the past and future of ‘e-Learning’).”
Ooh! I hope that works…or I’ll have to iterate
Cheers
Stephen G
Oh! Cool! It worked that time
Later Folks
Stephen G
Hi Paul you’re writing about one of my favourite topics this morning. Going with my instincts and at times not doing so has been pretty much like training in the university of life. Like anything it is an ongoing process of refining and practicing our skills.
Just how do we learn to trust ourselves enough to go with our instinct? How do we know it is our instinct after all and that we not just making it up, imagining it? What if it fails us? What if I did it once and it didn’t work? What if? What if? And the list goes on. The only way to trust it is to do it, practice with the small things to build your confidence with yourself.
Recognizing the difference between feelings and emotions – Recognizing this difference can help you refine that instinct. What you are really looking to do is make decisions from feeling rather than emotion.
Emotions are gut wrenching, they puncture you take your energy and run away with it, leaving you flat, de energised, beside yourself, out of sorts, in your head, stuck and feeling less about yourself. That’s one of the main keys– if you feel less about yourself it’s not going to be a good outcome and you’re probably going to sink. The reasons people make decisions based in emotion is out of fear and doubt, fear that there won’t be another better, greater more exciting client, fear that they need to make a living, fear that their health will fail, fear of what others may think. People are going to think whatever they want; we have no say over this at all. The benefit in emotions is that they are great indicators of where you are off track, and making choices that make you weak.
Feelings are what you are left with when you clear out the stuff that created the emotional obligations to begin with; I suppose you could see feelings as without agenda and attachment to outcome.
Feeling can however appear to the observer as detachment– yes because it doesn’t have the emotional agenda involved; it is from this place of feeling that you can make higher and better choices about your life, with much more clarity. These are the choices that make you strong.
A simple way to check in with yourself –Think about you’re a decision you have to make, for practice lets make it a yes or a no type thing. In your mind make the choice of yes -how does your body respond is your breathing constricted or freer flowing – make the decision a no – now how does your body respond is your breathing constricted or freer flowing –Which choice makes you feel more energised, more alive, stronger? Practice this, it becomes easier the more you do it. You can imagine it like trying on a dress, except your trying on an idea, does it feel good when you put it on, or is it just all wrong, not a good fit and you can’t wait to get it off.
I would like to share one of my own experiences with instincts.
A few years ago coming up my 50th birthday, I decided to go to South America around that time, I made plans got it organised all was good. Within 2 weeks I started feeling like I needed to be here in Australia and not overseas, I remember thinking really, as this was the complete opposite of what I had previously felt, I decided to wait to see what else came to light, well the feeling to stay just increased, like the dial on a radio being turned up daily, while at the time I had no idea why. Plans got cancelled and I just let that idea go. The short version of my story is that the day after I would have landed in South America, 2 days before my birthday my dad passed away, had I been overseas, I would have been out of contact with civilisation, for me recognising and trusting my instinct has made a profound positive difference in my life across the board and continues to do so.
We seem to have struck a chord with you, Ensha!
What am amazing story you’ve generously shared with us.
Thank you for your extraordinary response!
Hi Paul,
Gut feel is important and I think it gets better as we gain more experience in life and work. One story and it is a bit different was when I was looking to hire a Product Manager. She had all the skills etc but I was not sure she would fit into the team and also my gut feel was that she could be difficult to work with.
As I was a person down and projects piling up for the brand, I hired her. Mistake made and it did not work out for her or the team and we did not get on.
The funny thing is a years years later she named me as a referee for a job she was going for.
The good thing about these experiences is learning not to repeat them.
Good on you, Susan. Recruitment seems a fertile field for guts to run rampant.
I once hired a tea lady under similar duress.
BIG. BIG. BIG. MISTAKE.
The consequences live on in this piece of fiction.
Thanks very much for adding your voice.
Gut feel, intuition, messages from the Universe whatever you call them ignore them at your peril.
How many times do we say ‘I knew that would happen’ or ‘I had a bad feeling about this’ and be proven right.
Gut feel is the culmination of our learning, experience and most importantly our moral and personal values intersecting to guide us.
In business we are often so busy that we make a decision or hire a person because we are time poor and need that immediate solution.
Our gut says no but our desperation says yes. And then we pay the much higher price of trying to fix it.
It may have taken me 40+ years but I certainly listen to my gut now because intuitively we do know what to do.
Too right, Malcolm! Do you have any horror stories about guts ignored?
Ooh! Bless you heart Naomi…you edited my edit and now it’s even more than fixed.
Thanks heaps.
Cheers
Stephen G again
PS G’day Malcolm
This agreeing with you all the time is getting a bit depressing. ;-P Indeed, good ol’ intuition. And would it be fair or at least reasonable to suggest that our planet may have become a testament to the conflict between our intuition and the ‘rules’ that we use to try to control/suppress/eradicate it? (Insert the world’s policies here – all of ‘em)
This is a must see on this subject – Barry Schwartz of the Loss of Wisdom.
What did the Joker say in Batman? “It’s what happens when an unstoppable force meets an immovable object!”?
Always good to see you mate
Cheers again
Stephen G again, again…
Thanks, Naomi!
My horror stories have mostly been about hiring staff (or the suggestion at the end of night drinking that half a dozen shooters is a good idea….).
On more than one occasion we have not found the right person so ’selected’ the best of a bad bunch. Disaster inevitably results and then they have to be performance managed out of the business which is costly, disruptive and time consuming.
Recently I hired an R&D/Quality specialist on the 4th attempt. The result was brilliant and well worth the wait for the right person. As they say fools rush in….
Hi Stephen, as usual not afraid to go for the big questions!
Yes, where we blindly accept the consensus of the majority we never move forward and risk a back slide into obscurity fuelled by the greed of a few at the cost of the many.
Many thanks indeed, Malcolm. You are most generous. Thanks for coming to the party!
And dear Malcolm, as usual, and unlike the ‘consensual majority’, you’re not afraid to answer them. ;-P
Always too much fun
Cheers
Stephen G
It’s important to recognise what you’re good at, and what you’re not. If your ‘gut’ usually is right, pay attention. If you lack this ‘gut instinct’, then take precautions so you don’t taken for a ride.
As far as women or men being better at this, or having more opportunity to discuss, I think the division of the sexes in this instance has no real effect. Some people are just better at it than others. Some people allow themselves to be a little more cautious, or take the time to think about things and subsequently detect patterns forming. And some people don’t.
That’s a real good approach, Stephen H.
Just being a smartarse here: What if you sense your instinct isn’t reliable?
That would be a problem…maybe rub your tummy and hope your gut appreciates it?
Seriously, I think if one takes the time to act on their instincts, they’ll generally yield positive results. As Joanna points out in the comments above, it isn’t really the lack of instinct that causes the problems, it is failing to act upon it.
Of course, we should never fail to be humble enough to admit when we do get it all wrong.
You’re right, of course, Stephen. Thank you for playing!
What you wrote about reminds me of a book title “The Gift of Fear”, by Gavin de Becker. While his book is not about business sense, he does write about paying very particular attention to ‘that feeling that something just isn’t right’ kind of sense. Intuition/instincts are rarely logical and they can never be explained in a conclusive way.
I know of at least a dozen instances where That Feeling has saved my life, literally. And there are just as many instances where I bitterly wish I had listened to That Feeling.
I think the hardest part, when confronted with That Feeling, is appearing to be the odd man out or appearing irrational or just plain uncooperative/stubborn/obstinate especially when your actions can’t by explained satisfactorily.
Remember that old adage, Know Thyself? I think the more self-aware you are the more well developed your intuition/6th sense will be. Then it’s up to you to choose to listen or not.
And the technique Ensha describes is the exact way I make my own decisions. I always ask That Feeling what it thinks of XYZ before deciding something. When a choice doesn’t resonate positively with my heart/guts/whatever and leaves a sick-anxiety-ridden-angst growing within me, I know what to do or what not to do. And sometimes it doesn’t respond at. All. That’s a response that’s a whole ‘nother ball game.
Like that time I was offered a position with an IT company, my warning bells were completely silent, I took it because I needed the income. 6 months on I was wearing my bad decision and had egg all over my face. The workplace bullying just wasn’t worth it. I walked into the bosses office, closed the door and calmly sat down. I told him that, “I couldn’t make the changes that needed to be made here.”, and walked out. He assumed I admitted that I couldn’t change to make myself fit within his company. I was actually telling him it wasn’t me that needed to change, but him. I suffered the fallout of that disastrous decision another 18 months after leaving. I wished I had never taken the job – but the lessons I learnt about myself and all the baggage I was given the opportunity to dump were priceless and now, three years on, I can look back on that time and see it as a blessing.
So, based on that story, which came first the chicken or the egg?
Wow, Zoe. All the stars sure are coming out for me tonight!
Again I’m floored by your candour and generosity. This post has evolved into more than I could have dreamed. Thank you so much!
Darn it Paul!
Just when I thought I could get away with a quick ‘drive-by’ of your post!
Excellent topic.
Intuition. Learned intuition. When you have it you know it. And you learn to trust it like … what? Like the certainty of day following night.
My dearest friend in the world has always told me I could see around corners. I’m often reminded of her statement after a situation has passed and proved correct to my ‘hunch.’ I no longer question it, I use it to guide decisions and to go where it leads me. Pretty simple stuff.
Also, I loved you swimming story. I get the same results when I iron or dry my hair. You need to get distracted from what you’re trying to resolve. Let the answer arrive on its own and have the confidence of your convictions when you give voice to your decision. You’ll know it’s the correct decision because you’ll be able to move on and not think of it any longer.
Also, learn to trust your waking thoughts. I do. Sleep provides answers. The sub-conscious mind solves things while we sleep. Honor what you are telling yourself!
Additionally, when you’re troubled by a decision don’t ask others what they think because they will tell you. It compounds the problem.
When you have time brush up on your Carl Jung. Many answers there.
Ok, I think it’s safe to depart.
Cheryl
…maybe rub your tummy and hope your gut appreciates it?
LOL!
Cheryl has the right idea – sometimes doing the most menial of tasks allowing your mind to wonder and explore more of the left-side of your brain can help you solve the greatest problems.
Ha, Cheryl! The only time you’ll get away with a drive by is if you’re packing heat!
Which, on reading your comment properly, I see you are.
You may pass, wise friend!
Hi Zoe!
Thanks for your kind words. I like what you did with the IT job. You know, I keep The Gift of Fear in my personal library. You really do just need to pay attention! I equate that to aware/unaware.
Something else I’ve learned recently is the pleasure/pain of writing. I finally understand why copywriters need to be paid to do nothing but think. Our society and workplace environments cannot grasp the true meaning and implications of “Just thinking.”
There are many instances when I’ve got a big project to complete and I’m shocked by my casual behavior of neglecting it – I used to guilt myself about procrastinating until I became ‘aware’- and realized this is what you’re supposed to do. I am finally confident to walk away from it and let it sit there. When the words are ready to be heard I find my keyboard and realize that once again I was sub-consciously ‘getting my head around it.’
There are many people who can prompt this mindset, and Paul is one of the best. He gets terrific answers here because he knows which questions we want to be asked!
Thanks Zoe!
Cheryl
Man, I just love these connections!
An Aussie reader mentions a book that resides in the personal library of another reader on the other side of the world.
I sure do appreciate your lovely words, Cheryl.
I recall reading about a manager in a particularly switched-on firm.
He walked into a subordinate’s office without knocking.
When he saw the subordinate staring out the window, feet up on the desk, he said:
“I’m so sorry; I didn’t realise you were thinking.”
Ten points to whoever can identify that company.
I can’t remember.
Hi Cheryl, agree, it is important to ask good quality questions, you get the answers to the questions you ask.
And when the words are ready they really do find you..takes the stress out of creative process.
I love Elizabeth Gilbert’s video clip [Author eat pray love)on how she experiences the process of writing. Funny and real.
Now you’re freaking me out, Ensha!
Fonnie just ordered Eat Pray Love!
I tried to find that video, but there are bazillions on YouTube. Can you please tell us which one you mean, so I can add a link?
Hi Ensha:
Thanks for the head’s up on Eat Pray Love. I sold a ton of copies of that book but never finished reading it myself. I will secure another copy and will read it. I do envy people who can write on demand. The pros who arrive at 8:00 am and pound it out all day and then go home. Not me, I’ve got all this stuff roaming around colliding in my head!
Cheryl
Okay…well the post is about instinct…good confirmation you have to love that. I can dm you the link to the video. Or email it if you wish.
Fantastic, Ensha. That is SO much better than the one I was looking at. Here we go, folks:
http://www.ted.com/talks/elizabeth_gilbert_on_genius.html
Well, Ensha, that is the best damn presentation I’ve seen in a long long time.
Thank you very much indeed for flagging it.
Absolutely extraordinary!
Yes, it’s fabulous, I have watched it several times. Authentic and extra ordinary. One of my favourite combinations.
Oley! Good food for thought. So relieved I’m not the only one telling Dobby that the time has come for it to fulfil it’s part of the deal.
May I offer up another TED talk about a neuroanatomist who experiences and analyses her own stroke. Her talk helped me make many connections with regards to left vs right brain, logic vs creativity, insight/foresight vs linear sight, etc…
http://blog.ted.com/2008/03/jill_bolte_tayl.php
You sure can, Zoe. Many thanks!
“Ten points to whoever can identify that company.”
Just a guess, but that sounds similar to some stories I’ve heard about 3M.
Noted. Any other takers?
Thanks Stephen G. I’m here to help!