Conditions Apply*
- The devil’s in the detail.
I hate ‘offers’ whose conditions render them impractical, untrue or even pernicious.
For months I’ve collected samples for a post on this debilitating aspect of human nature.
Then my wife handed me One Offer to Rule Them All.
All That Glitters
The Gold Coin to Join* offer (see above) seems the soul of simplicity. You:
- Pay a gold coin.
- Join.
There’s just one catch: a $70 ‘admin fee’.
Call me demanding, but this dampened my excitement. So I wrote to Fitness First:
Dear Team, I’m writing a Small Business Owner blog post about your Gold Coin to Join offer. I plan to debate whether the $70 admin fee takes the shine off the $1 price. To ensure balance, I’d love to get your perspective. If you have any comments, please email them to me for inclusion. I’ll send you a link to the post when it’s done. Best regards, Paul. 
After ten days, they’ve not replied.
Recurring Theme
I’m not fazed that the true joining cost is at least $71. Fitzroy Pool charged me $99.
Rather, it’s the gulf between promise and delivery that disappoints.
This ‘broken promise’ theme has appeared in other posts, including banking and loyalty schemes.
I don’t know about you, but this sort of carry-on seems a dreadful waste of time and energy.
Case Study
As a boy in the 1970s, I once beheld an enormous showroom.
Its huge display windows were covered in fluorescent, five-foot characters:
BOOK SHOP
BOOKS FROM $999*
* Free billiard table with every book.
It took me years to comprehend this enigmatic offer.
Now that it’s legal to sell anything anytime, the subterfuge seems positively quaint.
Inconclusion
Apart from the asterisk (*), the above anecdote has nothing to do with our discussion.
It did, however, feel nice to recall my childhood for a minute.
Maybe that’s how Fitness First operates.
Illusion
A worthy fragment of my lost religion is: ‘those who cannot be trusted in small things cannot be trusted in large things’.
Having bitten their coin and found it wanting, I now suspect Fitness First as a firm.
Originally, I thought ‘gold coin’ must mean one dollar.
But they don’t actually say that, so it could be two dollars.
Extrapolating, it could mean something special from the Canberra Mint, like this 25th Anniversary Gold Proof Coin (a snip at $1,950).
But that’d be silly, wouldn’t it?
Delusion
Fitness First has 400,000 members in 90 clubs. The name really does say it all.
As a puny sole trader, it’s obvious I’m the crazy one.
The scary question is:
am I alone?
* No they don’t.^
^ Oh yes they do!
Paul Hassing, Founder & Senior Writer, The Feisty Empire
Did you enjoy this post? Why not leave a comment below and continue the conversation, or subscribe to my feed and get articles like this delivered automatically to your feed reader.
Just put the word out on Twitter:
‘Calling Fitness First staff, management & members: http://bit.ly/bbcCqL We seek your views to balance our debate.’
I’d be happy and relieved to be proven wrong in this matter by someone in the know.
Well bugger me, I’m with you Paul. What a crock of deceiving rubbish and they should be taken to task by the ACCC in my opinion. It should be called ‘Fitness Last’ as obviously it’s ‘Money First’ – the only fit thing they want to see is your bank balance as they get you to sign up for a membership.
I hate this stuff and particularly the ones that target children such as ‘SMS for a free ringtone’ and the fine print then says ‘$4.50 per week automatically charged to your account’ My daughter did this and it took me most of a day to get it shut off.
If you have a great service then have the courage to explain the benefits and price in full, in the open and let the customers decide. If the business model is that good then people will be happy to purchase at full price IF the product or service is good value.
Thank you, Malcolm. I was beginning to think I was alone in my view. It’s a fine thing to have your take on the matter. Best regards, P.
Oh yes, the devil is in the detail as they say, much like reading the terms and conditions when you download and install free software
Perhaps big corporates think they can get away with it? I’m wondering if anyone can give us some examples of fellow small business owners trying this rubbish?
-Sonia
Thank you, Sonia. Great to see you back.
I recall the terrifying notes you struck on the dangers of free downloads.
I have an inkling Malcolm may furnish another horror tale or two.
For many years now some of the weight loss brands have been doing exactly the same.
All of their advertising call to action is knitted around the urgency of getting the very generous offer to sign up for $1
You can then add the $1 sign up fee to the minimum 3 month membership fee and you get….$75.85
http://www.weightwatchers.com.au/Index.aspx
I can only presume that the offer is the carrot being dangled at the very start of the long sales tunnel (…channel) that would incorporate email, telemarketing, perhaps mail, and that enough of the initial audience sticks through to a closed sale/subscription/ongoing contract by the end to (in the mind of the corporation) cancel out the negative tinge that it casts over the brand.
Playing in the same space is Curves who have been advertising of late their FREE weight management/diet plan which seems to have no hidden agenda.
Whether you are a member of Curves or not you are welcome to book to join their weight management seminars. Free.
Great positioning – friendly, accessible, here’s something of real value for you, for nothing; Gets folk in the doors to sample the environment and the staff (…and sign up); Point of difference to their competitors; and goes head to head with all the weight loss organisations to sheer off some of their disallusioned customers.
Really good stuff!! http://www.weightwatchers.com.au/Index.aspx
Thanks heaps, Bambi; that’s a terrific example. I had no idea the $1 thing was common. Seems WW does more with carrots than merely bung them in salad! Fascinating stuff.
I’m always amused by the strategy:
EVERYTHING 50% OFF!*
*Excluding X, Y and Z.
Either everything is 50% off or not everything is 50% off. There can be no asterisk about it.
I guess it’s just a way to grab attention.
Best
The Greatest Blog Commenter in the Universe*
*Not really.
Damn good point, Ad!
Another unfavourite:
up to 70% OFF!!!
Which means:
0% to 70% OFF.
Thanks for swinging by, Cobber.
I use the motto “If it looks too good to be true, it probably is”. Anyone with any common sense can see through these promotions and find the fine print. Maybe it’s actually clever marketing aimed at a certain kind of person. This kind of person is more susceptible to the pressure to purchase a 12 month membership on monthly instalments that they can’t afford. They are also less likely to actually use their membership long term which means the gym has their money without having to offer any service. Sure beats selling memberships to people who can afford them but also turn up every day, wear out the equipment, fill up the classes and expect personal training.
Thank you, Sharron, for your excellent analysis. Your words certainly sound authoritative.
I wonder if we can entice some fitness (or fatness) people to respond.
Been there done that. I was one of the nasty people hounding you after you came in with your $1 and filled out your details. It’s all in the details. The $1 isn’t important but having contact details for a whole lot of potential new clients is money in the bank.
Ah, so that’s where your cred springs from!
Well, as an ex-nasty-HR-Manager, I can say we love hearing from other ex-nasty-people with true tales to tell.
I appreciate your contribution all the more, Sharron. Thank you.
I cannot fathom why they would *want* to attract people who think $2 to join a gym is a reasonable sum.
I do everything I can to avoid working for penny pinchers, because clients who value the service I provide and are happy to pay a reasonable price for it are usually the most delightful clients. The others are “high maintenance”.
I realise that gyms aren’t selling a service like mine, but surely it’s in the best interests of every business to attract clients who will value them over the long term.
You said it, Luke! That was extremely well put. Thank you for taking the time.
Since posting this piece, I’ve been hearing unconfirmed reports that Fitness First is a bit ‘churn and burn’ and ’sausage factory’.
I’ve renewed my invitation for their views, so we can get to the heart of this matter. If, indeed, it has one …
Thanks again, Mate. P.
You’re certainly not alone Paul. This kind of rubbish doesn’t work, and just annoys me.
Thank you, Stephen. Soon we’ll have a quorum!
Paul, it is offers like this that totally slam us when we try to put together a serious offer. I am a service industry where there are many unknowns which can arise and bite us. We try to trade on honesty which appears in todays day is not important. Again frustrated. I note the comment about the ACCC, dont bother. Set up by Government to basically absorb the unemployed and make the employment rate look good. Toothless Tigers is one way of describing. Small business keeps this Country afloat but the leaders collectively are deaf,dumb and blind to this(no disrespect to anyof the aforementioned groups mind you).
Great to hear from you, Michael.
If you ever have a serious offer you’d like to table in this forum, we sure would welcome it warmly!
Best regards, P.
Hey Paul.
Can I take up your serious offer to post a serious offer? It is relevant to this post as what this post and comments are all about is how a business positions its offering, its call to action, to their target market. And that is the kind of thing that we will be addressing at our Small Business Marketing Training Day on March 30, in Melbourne.
We will share with micro & small biz owners how to create a marketing strategy, positioning & branding, publicity/PR, SEO & Social Networking, traditional media & advertising and enjoy a case study from Rebecca Derrington of Sourcebottle.
So, now – for the offer: Registration is only $110 including gst, cuppas, lunch, muffins – and all 11 down to earth “how to do marketing” workshops.
And every delegate receives 2 weeks unlimited email help after the event so that they can start putting their new marketing initatives in place.
There are more details at http://www.thewoo.com.au
Thanks Paul – and I do hope that many of the members of this community will join us on the 30th.
Good on you, Bambi; I was hoping you’d do that.
You’re a great contributor with a ripper offer. Check it out, Team!
Just tweeted:
Tradies next door. Rock up at dawn. Slam door. Trigger van alarm. Swear. Rattle ladders off roof. Trigger alarm. Swear. Slam door. Swear.