Surrender to Drama
Have I mentioned that I’m busy, really busy? Well, now I am REALLY REALLY busy and life is so hard, and it’s not fair, and I will never get all this done, and it’s all my fault for taking on too much, and are there really only three weeks to Christmas, and why doesn’t anyone ever help me, and it’s not fair and it’s too much, and I will never manage it all and…
I could go on, but you get the drift, I am sure…
I am busy, that’s true. And I have probably taken on a bit too much, that’s true, too. But the rest? That’s just the story I tell myself whenever the ante is upped and the pressure increases. It’s a familiar story, it’s a strangely comfortable place to be, but is it real? Not really. Is it helpful? Absolutely not!
I’ve spent the last week or so acutely aware that I am just telling and retelling an old story, but still seemingly powerless to extract myself from it. Waking in the night with the story running round my head like a broken record (sorry, malfunctioning MP3 file…). Catching myself at odd moments wailing to myself like some self-pitying child. Playing out a three-act tragedy, with roles for the those little voices in my head – and the Martyr and the Despairing One holding auditions for the lead part. Hearing the rising panic in my voice as I juggle one more commitment or explain to my son that we have run out of juice because I just didn’t have time to buy it. Aware that all this drama was actually preventing any truly creative thought – it was a masquerade, not the real thing.
All this drama had to stop, but how?
Well, I tried ramping up my productivity (with some success) and I delegated things to my fabulous virtual assistant (with some success) and I did breathing exercises (with some success) and I repeated the Buddhist mantra that ‘This too will pass’ (with some success) and I reminded myself that I will have a lovely break after Christmas (with some success).
But the play wasn’t over. At best, I had reached interval…the players were off-stage, but already changing into their costumes for the third act.
Then last night, I saw the word ‘Surrender’ written on a wall. That was it. Not resistance, not submission, but Surrender.
The tension melted, the players left the theatre, I slept through the night. I woke this morning refreshed and with a sense of space around my story.
Today, I can actually do all the work, be creative and productive, reclaim my headspace.
Today I feel free.
Joanna Maxwell, Owner, WorkInColour
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Dear Joanna, it’s always beaut to read your posts. Your mix of great writing and candid disclosure is hard to beat.
Despite all my years as a freelancer, I still fear the twin monsters: the Scylla of no work and the Charybdis of too much.
At least with too much, you get to fight the third demon: Debt! So I generally steer towards the whirlpool.
I’m glad you feel free. Lucky that word you saw wasn’t ‘flee’ or ’sell the pets’. Thank you once again for gracing our stage.
Thanks Paul, I must say I am strangely attracted to the idea of both selling the pets (black Lab, friendly & one-eyed cat bent on world domination, package deal only) and then fleeing…hmmm
Thanks Joanna. I feel your pain (hopefully I will soon experience the lack of it also!).
Hee hee.
Have you tried
…
fleaBay?
Thanks Stephen, I hope you feel it soon, too!
Joanna
Flea bay indeed! I like that…
Joanna
Dear Paul,
How the bluddy hell am I supposed to go on walkabout if you keep throwin’ all these great guest posts in?
Fleebay?…Oh dear
Hi Joanna
Fortunately, as someone that is always touting ‘Never Give Up, Never Surrender’, I’m also quite comfortable with a spot of paradox
Oh! And speaking of paradox…careful that Buddhist mantra doesn’t backfire on ya:
“The tension melted, the players left the theatre, I slept through the night. I woke this morning refreshed and with a sense of space around my story.” + “This too shall pass” ? ;-P
Fortunately, from a certain point of view, all things do pass…Unfortunately, we yet seem insistent on trying to control our little worlds with a view to having one consistent personality and ‘living happily ever after’ and stuff like that…
I can happily attest to surrendering to drama…but as I said to a friend and mentor one day following another of her joyful affirmations “that when the dust settles and the smoke clears, I will be standing here”: “is it possible to be standing here without having created the dust and the smoke?”
Unfortunately, I haven’t found a way round that one yet
Cheers
Stephen G
HI Stephen, great comments as usual…I love the dust and smoke stuff, it squares exactly with my sense that we do create a lot of our own obstacles. Not all, but certainly plenty. Thanks for the great image! Joanna
Hi Joanna, like all business owners prior to Christmas I also feel your pain. I sometimes lay awake at night and remind myself that things are never as dark in the energy-giving light of a new day as they are in the blackness of night, and yes I do wake the next day and attack the task list with new vigour.
But your story reminds me of something that I learnt early in my consulting career and get reminded of on a frequent basis. Our effectiveness and productivity is so acutely impacted upon by our own self talk. If we can manage to break free of the shackles of demands, lengthy work days, and repeated negative talk that we have too much to do and not enough time to do it (or worse not enough cash to pay it) then we fail to see the real opportunities.
I think the challenge of working for yourself is to stop the negative self talk and keep your mind open to the many ways people can achieve more – often by thinking in a positive and open way.
It is hard to put in practise what you hear so often – but I am constantly reminded how true it is. For me the motivation is knowing that in 3 weeks I will be lying on a beach in Southern NSW, soaking up the wonderful energy of the sun and rejuvenating my mind ready to add value to my clients in 2010. That is the all important circuit breaker we all need and often need to remember as the motivation to get through December of each year – a holiday is not far away.
Stay positive and stay open.
Mike
Great comments, Mike! It’s so true that our self talk creates half our problems. I have a good toolbox of strategies to deal with it once I become aware that I’m giving myself a hard time – the challenge for me is realising it’s not reality, just an old story that keeps playing itself out in my head!
And yes, the thought of a break in January is a very big help…
Thanks
Joanna