Defence in Depth
Defence in depth is the strategy of exhausting an enemy via attrition.
It was used to devastating effect by the Carthaginians at Cannae and by the Romans at my home renovation.
If you wish to stress a marriage, break a spirit, drain a bank account and earn undying odium for yourself and your industry, here’s a handy guide.
Tactics are ordered to deal with escalating client efforts to receive what was paid for.
Text Message
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Refuse to take it.
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Say your phone can’t receive it.
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Delete it, don’t reply to it and claim not to have received it.
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Insist that the client leave work to deal with you face to face on every issue.
Phone Call
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Ignore it.
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Claim bad reception.
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Say your hearing isn’t so good.
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Say your English isn’t so good.
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Ask the client to repeat each sentence several times.
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Feign another incoming call.
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Feign a drop-out.
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Turn off your phone.
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Install free shelving for the pretty girl next door.
Fax / Letter
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Ignore it.
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Lose it.
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Destroy it.
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Say you don’t understand it.
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Say your wife or daughter will look into it.
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Spend a few weeks on your other work sites.
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Say that the ‘tiling’ clause in the contract did not include ($800 worth of) glue.
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Cancel the professional painter and let your cousin botch it.
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Secretly substitute composite wooden beams for steel girders and pocket the savings.
Client Visit
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Cancel the meeting.
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Arrive late.
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Leave early.
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Misplace all documents.
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Forget your reading glasses.
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Have a cold.
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Feign unbridled fear of the client’s Jack Russell terrier.
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Feign friendship, promise everything, do nothing.
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Explain that all your other work sites are running perfectly.
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For every ten requests, agree to one.
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Cite a family death or personal tragedy.
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Ask if the client can ‘be the liar’ to accelerate supplier deliveries.
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Shrug your shoulders and make expansive hand gestures.
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Counter each request with a cost variation.
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Yell at the client.
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Threaten to abandon the project at a critical moment.
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Threaten to have family members ‘make things difficult’ for the client.
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Threaten the client with a chisel.
Lawyer Meeting
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Refuse to speak.
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Deny everything.
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Accuse the client of tampering with the contract.
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Blame the site.
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Blame the soil consultant.
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Blame the architect.
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Blame the hydraulic engineer.
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Blame the council.
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Blame your site manager.
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Blame your inspecting engineer.
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Blame your subcontractors.
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Claim bad health.
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Cry poor.
Conciliation Summons
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Do ‘remediation’ work that looks worse than the problem being remediated.
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Steal the remaining building materials.
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Abandon the project.
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Refuse to return the site keys.
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Go on holiday.
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Refuse all further contact.
By this point, the client should be too exhausted to continue.
There is no known counter for defence in depth. Should you discover one, please let me know.
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Look on the bright side, Paul – at least there was no boiling oil
That is true Megan. Only boiling blood, scalding tears, shredded nerves and broken hearts.
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Wow.
I mean, WOW!
Paul, I sincerely hope this isn’t a personal experience, but I get the feeling my hope is in vain.
If this has happened to you, I cannot pretend to understand the stress you must have undergone, much less be in a position to offer a (legal) solution.
However, you have my sympathy, whatever that is worth.
Thank you, Stephen. It did indeed happen to me. I have the bank statements and medical certificates to prove it!
Almost five years ago now, but it seems like yesterday. I only hope others can avoid these shenanigans if they go down the reno path.
I have a question for you Paul: If you could change one thing that you did/didn’t do prior to the shenanigans starting, what would that be?
Sell the house.
Noted.
…and if that were not possible, insist on a tough time penalty clause in the contract for non completion.
I let them talk me down to $110 per week, which was a pittance given the losses involved.
Yet not even that would have saved me. Turns out the builder worked for six months from a printout of an early draft of the contract. When I produced my signed original, he accused me of forgery.