Deal Breakers
It can take years to gain a client and seconds to lose one. Sometimes, the break is audible. Below are four such pivotal moments, frozen for your perusal.
Pelvic Thrust
A woman at risk of ovarian cancer attends an ultrasound clinic. On taking her name, the Receptionist turns around and shouts through a door to the technician:
Your 12.30 pelvis is here!
Chin Wag
A youth buys his beer from a local grocery. Two years of regular transactions feature only bland pleasantries. One day, flanked by her husband and daughter, the Owner demands:
You drink every day?
Um, no … not every day.
How much you drink every day?
Er. Ah. A couple of bottles; maybe … three?
Ohhh, you drink a lot!
Chicken Snit
A figure-conscious girl finds a deli she really likes. She orders a chicken schnitzel two days running. On the second day, the Manager observes in a bellow that turns every head:
Geez! Ya luv ya schnitzels; don’tcha, Luv?!
Barren Ground
A man staggers from a devastating fertility assessment. As he fumbles with his wallet, the Specialist merrily yells (past a room of waiting women):
Don’t worry! Could be worse: Tom Cruise doesn’t have any!*
Each of these genuine deal breakers saw the aggrieved party vow never to return. By Malcolm Owens’ calculation, this will cost the dealers a pretty penny over time.
If you’ve experienced a deal breaker, why not tell us about it? We probably won’t solve anything, but at least you’ll get it off your chest.
Chop! Chop!
* Apparently he does.
Paul Hassing, Founder & Senior Writer, The Feisty Empire
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I saw a tweet yesterday re a coffee shop that started labelling coffees with a purple marker…evidently not permanent…resulting in purple noses for unsuspecting customers. Could leave a sour taste…
Looking for a new car, a husband and wife have been scouring the car yards, looking for something either new or used, not fussed. He just wants something that she will be happy with.
Upon driving through a large country town on the way fishing – a 4×4 is spotted on a pedestal display. Wife comments that I wouldn’t mind looking at that car. Husband dutifully does a U-turn to accomodate wifey’s wishes.
The couple step out of the car, in the fishing clothes – I am sure you know the type of clothing
The dealer steps out of the show room and refuses to show said couple the desired vehicle
Wife returns some 3 months later with baby on hip, parks outside in brand new car and steps into the showroom. Dealer approaches wife and says ‘What can I do for you today?” – Wife responds “See that car?” Pointing to previously desired 4×4, Dealer says “are you interesting in purchasing it? – I can do you a good deal!” – Response – “Pity you didn’t say that 3 months ago, you would have sold that car” I then introduced myself and advised him that due to his attitude and poor service, he has now lost the family business (new car every 2 years, via parents) and the sale of the second hand top of the line 4×4.
You should have seen his jaw drop.
Story goes that he rang parents and apologised and offered various items in leiu of poor service. Too little too late unfortuntely.
~True story~
It NEVER ever pays to judge a book by its cover
Fascinating, Megan! Twitter and coffee shops seem to go together.
I recently read of one patron who tweeted that his coffee was cold. The owner (wisely monitoring comments on his business) happened to see the tweet and wrote back offering a fresh cup. Instant kudos and phenomenal word of mouth.
Grab the right end of this Twitter stick and you can whip your competitors. Get the wrong end and…
Dear DPTMWM, this is a corker! We love true tales to flesh our debates. Thank you for sharing. (And remind me never to take you on at Scrabble!)
That’s true, but I do wonder where you draw the line…what if everyone starts tweeting that their coffee is cold? Do you replace them all? I guess you need to be prepared to be able to a) cope with scale or b) draw the line and be prepared to possibly cop some heat.
Or I could be totally wrong. (Maybe we should continue this on the Twitter post…)
The theme of structuring one’s business policies around the 1-5% of people who wish to do you wrong has recurred in several posts.
As we discussed in No Guarantees, you can spend your life too scared to put your money where your mouth is.
Or you can throw yourself open to the 95-99% of people who will do you RIGHT.
I’m locking in [B], Eddie!
Sage advice as usual. What say you about a customised couch that arrived with an extra 30cm length on an arm rest, because the maker decided it looked too short? It now hangs 30cm beyond the wall:(
Oh dear; I’ve been on Planet CrapCouch before.
I’d be tempted to snap off the offending arm, march into the workshop and club the proprietor to …
Oops! Sorry; wrong blog.
Hot off the press…today :- P
Hi Folks…nice one Paul :- )
I hired a bookkeeper earlier this year. A couple of months go by…I then get a ‘don’t be naughty’ letter from the Tax Office re: non-submission of a BAS statement. I write to the bookkeeper…reply is ‘no probs, it’s taken care of’…a month or so later, another ‘naughty’ letter…same BAS Statement. I write again…no reply.
I hire an Accountant (a really good one). I have a bit of a whinge about the bookkeeper relaying my doubts as to their competency…Accountant reassures me, I move on.
Last month…a 3rd Naughty letter…No communication from Bookkeeper…My excellent Accountant intervenes. Accountant placed in ridiculous position of mediation which I won’t have a bar of…though very good of the Accountant to offer, I consider that the Accountant shouldn’t need to, or be placed on such a position. No communication from Bookkeeper. Accountant sorts out the BAS Statement.
Today…I get a bill for $200 from the Bookkeeper. This is the complete content from the body of the email:
“Please contact us immediately if you are unable to detach or download your Invoice. Thank you.” (The Bill was attached)
DEAL BREAKER!!! They are so dead!
Oh! You’re right mate…that feels soooo good ;- P
Cheers
Stephen G
Stephen – sounds like the sort of person/people that you want to kill – and why I have a job – cleaning up such messes.
I can sympathise with you – seen it more times that I can imagine
Good on you, Stephen! Now, just rinse and spit and we’re all done!
Dear DPTMWM,
Thanks for the moral support Cobba…Yeh! I just get so bluddy sick to death of paying to do other people’s bluddy jobs for them!
I guess you know that feeling only too well? :- P
You clean up dead-people?
Thanks Paul…Ok done the rinsing…now to find a bluddy bucket big enough for the spit bit…:-P
Cheers
Stephen G
Stephen – would a 44GAL drum suffice?
Have several already cut down if you require
And yes – unfortunately I have seen many wolves in sheep clothing – sometimes I wonder if they are a plant from the competitor
Dear DPTMWM
Yep! That’d be a great start mate…has it got a tap on it?
And Yep! I reckon we are all ‘plant from the competitor’ in some form or another (whether we know it, like it, or not)…fortunately my inner wolf is learning to resist the temptation to take chunks out of my inner sheep.
A vegetarian wolf may be imminent…time to release the inner plant I suppose?
Cheers
Stephen G
I guess the embarrasing thing is when you’re unaware that a deal breaker has occurred. This can happen when in cross cultural situations and then not only do you have culture to worry about but also a different language.
My most memorable moment was talking about FROG SPOTTING to some French customers who were visiting us. I think the Australians in the room were more amused than the French as they seemed to carry on as though nothing wrong had happened.
Thank you, Andee. It is frightening when the phones go quiet and you don’t know why. We’ve left several restaurants vowing never to return. Unless the owner takes the time to see how we’re doing, the feedback is lost forever. Thanks again for visiting.
Kraft. Did they or didn’t they? Here’s a topical quote from a recent article:
Trust is a hard thing to earn, and generations of goodwill can evaporate in an instant. Consider the following quote in the comments section of an article on the dumping of the name:
“Kraft has blown it in this household, all their products have already been dumped, NO MORE Kraft products in my house, ever.”
http://www.smartcompany.com.au/brand-matters/bad-idea-or-publicity-stunt.html
I can’t pick it. What do YOU think?