All Washed Up – Part 2
Read Part 1I was the proud (and rather startled) owner of ten car wash vouchers. Melbourne’s most dogged salesman had secured my custom for at least a year. And after our magic, first-wash honeymoon, I was hungry for lifelong love.
He waved the wash team to my car and told me to return in 20 minutes. I asked if the guys could remove my old registration sticker from the windscreen. He agreed.
It didn’t happen. I reminded him on my return. It was done.
The wash wasn’t as good.
On my next visit, the salesman’s smile was dimmed but still readable. This time I asked if the guys could clean the sills they’d missed last month. He agreed.
It didn’t happen. I reminded him. After a while, it was done.
The wash was worse.
Next month, the salesman left me to approach the wash team myself. They moved as if torn from a graveside vigil, one growling as he grabbed my voucher.
The wash was crap.
On my way out, a banner proclaimed WE RECYCLE OUR WATER!
It’s a pity you don’t recycle your clients, I muttered.
So here’s the wash up.
They have my $220. If they go bust before I use my vouchers, I’m out of pocket.
Sullen compliance has replaced spectacular service. There’s zero motivation for excellence. It’s barely worth the trip, except for one thing.
My brilliant wife has posited that my final wash will be as fabulous as the first. It may even be overseen by the salesman. Why? To sell me ten more washes, of course!
To see if Fonnie’s right (and to provide an epilogue) I plan to use all my vouchers.
And while there are obvious lessons about lazy copywriters who are too up themselves to clean their own damn car, I’d rather dwell on another learning.
Spectacularly successful in battle, the salesman has soured my view of his business, his industry and the whole concept of ‘saving’ by buying ‘services’ in advance.
By my reckoning, therefore, he has lost the war. But perhaps, in a city of four million, churn and burn is the true path to total victory? Does my view count one whit against his juggernaut?
It’s time to come clean: how do these tactics wash with you?
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This churn and burn approach sort of flies in the face of the widely accepted premise that acquisition is much more expensive than retention (as much as six times), doesn’t it? You’d would think if they went to all the trouble of signing you up, it would be much smarter to keep you rather than go through that process again.
I totally agree, Megan. I’ve not encountered one business book or article that supports churn and burn. It’s so last century.
The only reason I ask the question is that I can’t see another reason for such progressively shabby treatment.
Unless, of course, they know they’re going out of business before I get through my voucher book!
How cool is that? That is the perfect example of exactly why businesses fail and then they wonder what happened. They deserve to. The question is how much extra effort is it to do the job right every time? They have already proven that they can do it – clearly they have no concept of the Lifetime Value of a Customer.
How much extra time does it take to do it right – 5 minutes? They are paying the staff so the additional cost is effectively zero. Then you refer other people and can’t wait to buy another book and think how wonderful this is that you don’t have to clean the Empire Rolls.
All things being equal (which means as good as the first wash) your continued custom for a year may be 3 books so there’s $660, then you refer just 2 other people who also stay for a year, there’s another $1,330 and each of them refer just one person each and there another $1,320 for a total of $3,300 additional revenue just for doing a good job (as promised from the first wash).
This guy probably thinks he is really clever, doing a great job to get you in but then cutting corners. What he really is doing is costing himself significant business while no doubt having to spend a lot of money to advertise to get new customers to churn and burn.
And we all know it costs at least 6 times the amount to win a new customer than to retain a current one. So why doesn’t he just do the job he can do and promised to do and enjoy the benefits of an efficient growing business. I shake my head in disbelief that
Run your chamois over that one champion!
Beautiful comment, Malcolm! Thanks for crunching the numbers for us. They really hammer home the point!
Paul – I completely agree.
Same thing happens to me – I remember one time in particular I requested the rims to be washed (YES they were caked with mud) and I came back and there was still chunks of mud attached.
Had to request they redo it
It seems that businesses are really interested in you tasting the goods/services, then think they have you hooked.
They forget that a consumer has feet and is more preapred to use them as more competitors come onto the market.
Your booklet experience is the perfect – “you are hooked” What they don;t realise is that the taste goes sour unless the service is maintained.
And the comment “My brilliant wife has posited that my final wash will be as fabulous as the first. It may even be overseen by the salesman. Why? To sell me ten more washes, of course!”
Is so adapt is it scary – the owner/manager of the business doesn;t care. They only care about the short temr benefit
A saying I have – look after the peanuts and the elephants will look after themselves.
I’m sure you understand that one!
Interesting how we all used the expression churn and burn and understand the cost of securing a new customer? Megan you are one smart operator!
These people need to read this blog!
An anonymous reader who wishes to be known as Too Many Carwashes to Count says:
‘The same thing happens to me
– You think you find a good carwash place, until the 2nd or 3rd visit, then forget it 
’
Looks like I’m not alone. I wonder if this practice is widespread. Many thanks for letting me share your comment with our community!
Dear Too Many Carwashes To Count. May I call you TMCTC for short? Thank you for laying out your experinece and views. I must have got my wires crossed when we conversed elsewhere. As you see, I paraphrased your comment myself. I’m delighted that you saw fit to log in and give us the full story. Best regards, P.
I haven’t even read it yet! I’m still savoring the suspense! :- )
Ha! Whooda thunk! Me! Savoring suspense! I usually hate delayed gratification with a passion…but this is just sooooo worth waiting for…I can tell by the comments :- )
Seriously! I haven’t read it! :- )
Back later…
Cheers
Stephen G
The questions I’ve asked myself after reading this are:
1. How could I be losing customers by not meeting their (reasonably set) level of expectation?
2. What specifically would I be able to change, and be prepard to change, to make an unhappy customer feel they are once again receiving Value?
3. Which mechanisms do I have in place to detect customer unhappiness, and to measure the effectiveness of my business process as it relates to creating customer happiness?
Hi Stephen H! I like that we’re triggering questions as well as trying to answer them. I have a feeling some of our regular contributors will have something to say about your three points.
Naturally, I’d love to know the answers you come up with in regard to your contracting work (so long as you don’t give your competitors an edge by holding forth).
Hello again,
I thought I would have a go at answering Stephen’s questions because I feel Mr. Hassing’s comment was directed at me. (Even if it wasn’t I like to think it was).
1. You can be losing customers if you are not meeting their reasonably set level of expectation. The question then becomes reasonably set by whom? The answer is that it must be set and agreed by both parties in advance. In the case of the car wash this was implied by the first service experience. In other cases this may be more formal and can even be a supply agreement or contract. Generally start as you mean to continue and ask your customer for feedback. So easy but so few do it.
For some of my clients (back when I was consulting) I prepared a card that outlined what the customer could expect to receive (prompt on time service, clean up afterwards, safety report – it was an electrical business) but also laid out what the expectation was in return (24 hour notice of cancellation, pay on the completion of the job) so there was no misunderstanding.
Also consistency rules and that is what went to hell with the car wash. What is unacceptable? Change – dramatic unsubstantiated price changes, quality changes, materials used, finish, and time (shorter or taking too long): anything at all that is considered inconsistent with the agreed or implied service level. You of course can always offer a bit extra to delight, that’s a welcome change.
2. What can you change? Go back to the agreed level of service. If it is a one off event (failure) then repeat the service for free, replace the item of give them their money back. If it’s more than that then you had better change your approach or you will lose the customer.
3. The simple answer is ask them. They will tell you if they are not happy if you ask. Many people will not say anything and just go away and you wonder why, that’s of no use. Depending on the product or service you offer this can be done in many ways.
Did you enjoy your meal?
Were you happy with the service we provided?
Would you be prepared to refer us to your friends?
For bigger purchases it may be a phone follow up or a questionnaire. I receive one in the mail every time I have my car serviced. They also have an aluminium container fill of mints on the seat and the car is always washed so that is always nice. The tin has the Mercedes logo embossed and there is a thank you note attached. Very nice.
You will always have some customers that are unhappy regardless of how much you provide, add on, replace or refund. They amount to less than 5% (usually) so you cannot let them colour your actions for the rest.
You can also tell by the number of customers that you have. If you own a coffee shop and your customer numbers drop off significantly over time then you may be doing something wrong, if you sell pizzas and only offer super spicy ones then you may need to alter your product offering.
Provide a structured feedback loop and make sure you monitor your business daily, weekly or by volume, dollars in or customers through the door. You can’t manage what you can’t measure so set yourself a benchmark then put strategies in place to improve, test them and see what happens. Very soon you will have a sensational business that doesn’t lose customers.
By jingo, Malcolm; you certainly are a perceptive chap! And a clever businessman.
Your response far exceeds what I was hoping for. Any more depth and we’ll be hitting trilobites! Many thanks indeed for your time and insight.
Bluddy awesome comments folks…dunno apart Part 2 though?…Still haven’t read it? :- P
Ahhh! ‘The sweet suffering…’ :- )
Cheers
Stephen G
Thanks Malcolm. I was kind of hoping you’d chime in on that one.
When it’s time to chime, Malcolm ain’t called Big Ben for nothing!
Happy weekends to you all. Thank you for playing! 
Hail Troopers :- )
Well, the suspense is over…I read it! Was it worth the wait? To coin a phrase of a certain daggy mate o’ mine; ‘Dang tootin’ it was! :- D.
Paul, you do realise you’ve become your own ‘hard act to follow? :- )
Dude! I reckon I’d be rippin’ all but the last ticket out and heading straight for the ‘end game’ to test Fonnie’s fine theory out ASAP! Then I’d be looking for a ‘Drive-Thru’… :- )…we’ll also get ‘The Epilogue’ quicker…I can’t wait to wait for Part 3 :- P
I don’t reckon there is anything I could add to the fantastic commentary provided by our high calibre comrades…Thanks folks…bluddy outstanding and helpful in all directions :- )
I’ll just get a little anecdotal for a change. And it’s not exactly a ‘churn ‘n burn’ story; it’s more like a ‘revenge of the bleeding heart, ‘do-gooder’ story… but hey, I was young and probably a bit ’stupider’ than I am now :- P…anyway, the ‘dastardly do-badder’ was a manic ‘churner & burner’…I reckon that’s why this topic reminded me of him:
The story is set in a new car showroom I worked in a gazillion years ago…When people entered the property, the manager (enter the ‘dastardly do-badder’), used to ring us in our offices saying “Ducks on the Pond!” (Still makes me feel nausious). I did what I usually do; I told him it sucked and that it doesn’t help sales or selling or anything at all.
He started giving me a hard time. I didn’t bite…I waited. It wasn’t long before my strategic ‘guerilla moaning’ got some traction ‘upstairs’ & he was eventually ‘moved-on’. Not long before he left, I calmly went home one night (after getting his home phone number & address), and rang 12 Insurance Agents and gave them his details (apologies to Insurance Agents in the audience…I was pretty young and that was considered subtle back then
).
Cheers
Stephen G
PS And Dear Malcolm, I’m not biting on the ‘only spicy pizzas’ thang :- )…Not Yet!…Not Yett! ;- )
Thanks for the big vote of confidence, Stephen. And for your searingly frank memoir. Looks like we’re headed for a ‘truth-off’ in here.
With regard to the vouchers, I checked them for numbers. While dated, the tickes are identical.
Except that the last one has a small dog ear which should have been prevented by the cardboard backing!
Is this the secret trigger? Or am I paranoid? If I blow this story, are 12 pay TV reps going to hound me till my dying day?
Kenneth Baker edited I Have No Gun But I Can Spit. I think I’d better start practicing my aim!
By chance, Seth Godin’s blog post for today – Spare no expense – closely echoes what Malcolm wrote about setting expectations.
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