What Day is it?
Easter’s coming. I think. Apart from the buns I can’t tell. I work six days every week; seven if I can get away with it. This makes each day pretty much like the next. Weekends mean rising at seven instead of six. Public holidays mean my wife’s home. Christmas means less traffic. Vacations come every few years and barely break my concentration.
Is it like this for you?
I’m writing this on a Saturday. As many of my clients enjoy their weekend, I can work without being bothered by work. The sun is bright and the dogs are hopeful. But I’m hunched over my keyboard with a dull pain in my chest. ‘Lunch’, as usual, was a five-minute wolf.
I’m not unhappy. It took many years of intense effort to build my successful, home-based business. I’m very pleased and grateful. Yet I’m also rather cocooned here at Empire House. No Friday drinks, no retirement dinners, no family picnics and no Christmas parties*. Though content in my company, I do feel a lack of community and structure.
A few months prior to my last vacation, I alerted my clients by email. This brought forward some projects, but I still took a big revenue hit. I felt I’d paid for the trip twice: the opportunity cost mirrored the actual cost. And because the break was my first for three years, it took me half the time to unwind enough to relax. Even then, I still checked my emails.
For the vacation before that (almost last century) I handed the Empire to a brilliant, trusted colleague who ran it flawlessly. So well in fact, that when I returned, some clients stated a preference for dealing with him!
Though I fully enjoy the benefits of running my own show, I know my work/life balance is out of whack. I’m unfit, overweight and highly strung. I find it almost impossible to walk past my PC without checking my ‘world’. My wife is trying to save me with swing dancing lessons and PC-free days. But it’s a struggle.
I do try. Yesterday I was told to expect a call about a 4000-page proofreading job (an intensely interesting and lucrative opportunity). I waited several hours, then did the swim I promised I’d do. The prospect called twice while I was in the water but didn’t leave a message. Now the job’s going to a competitor.
In light of all this, I’m very keen to know how YOU handle time out and time off.
Paul Hassing, Founder & Senior Writer, www.thefeistyempire.com
* Well, almost no Christmas parties.
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Hi Paul,
This post spoke volumes to me. My husband and I are about to embark on a life-changing adventure. My husband handed in his resignation letter yesterday. He just started his MBA program in March and is already finding that work is taking over actual real learning.
We had the lovely offer of going to live in NZ on a mountain top (well almost) in a brand spanking new house which my in-laws just built! They offered us rent free accommodation for as long as we need.
This was a very generous offer indeed and it took us ages to decide but in the end we realised that an opportunity like this doesn’t come along often and so we said yes. We will leave in June…
Some people might think we are mad. Giving up a really well paid job in this economy! But I choose to see it as a time for a fresh perspective for both myself and my husband.
I have been sitting a lot at my computer lately. I feel very lonely working from home and have been taking on few clients as I need to now pack up a whole life (house) for the move. I do spend every morning in the gym as I feel this sets me up for the day.
I am obviously not that busy with work and wonder if I am up for the challenge of being a business owner sometimes! I say I haven’t been taking on many clients but they haven’t exactly been beating the door down!
My husband and I are still very young and have much time to open new ventures and I cannot wait until he unplugs from this life and can give his full attention to learning on his MBA program.
I have been on an amazing journey this past year and I now know that Hubby will go on his very own one too….It’s exciting. My apologies for the length of this post!
Time Out= Meditation, exercise, chilling out, playing computer games, hugging your partner
Time Off= Vacations, unplugging (from mind and computer), sabbaticals
Dear Yvonne, a thousand thanks for your heartfelt response! What an exciting time. Fortune favours the brave, so you and yours are in for a very prosperous time. NZ? Good move! Free accom? Can’t beat it! Mountain top? Say no more! I reckon you’d be mad NOT to go.
When I threw away my job as HR Manager in a $60M manufacturing firm, I was petrified. So was my wife, but she backed me to the hilt. I cashed in my superannuation and spent a year writing a novel. It’s still in my cupboard, but the act launched me into my current writing career.
I’ve never regretted the move for a second. 50% of marriages fail. I think you just innoculated yours against failure. Do please keep us posted and thanks again for sharing your very personal thoughts. I’m honoured!
Hello Paul,
Great article. Work Life Balance is not just for those in the corpoate world. For those of us working from home the tempation is to continually be “on” 24/7. We still need the seperation even if it is in the same space. Swimming or Gym are excellent as is a simple walk or time with the kids. Have a time to turn the computer and phone off and allow some “me” time. When you switch back on you will feel refreshed, more productive and engaged. Times are tough but that shouldn’t mean we neglect ourselves or our family.
Right on, Malcolm! I sometimes wish I had an attic for my business. Then, at the end of each day, I could slam and bolt the trap door on my way down the ladder. Thank you for commenting.
I have a designer friend who actually has a ‘Closed’ sign that she hangs on the outside of the home office door when she’s done for the day
Ha! What an ace idea!
Wow, I don’t know what to say. My heart goes out to you because although I don’t really “know” you in the ‘hey, let’s have coffee’ sense of the word, I feel as if I do. What travels through your writing is a kind, generous, ethical, highly driven man (who has great writing skill). I completely empathize. I stuggle with balance every day. Between two amazing little girls, a husband, writing a blog and writing for examiner.com, working on a few children’s book projects, laundry, my extended family, dishes, meals, laundry (there’s so much it needs a second listing), I try to find the time to fit everything in and some days that just isn’t possible.
I believe that everything happens for a reason and if you’re meant to have a certain client, they will be there after you have a romantic weekend getaway with your wife! Life is too short and you’re making yours shorter by not taking some “Paul time”. So, this Easter smell the eggs(or whatever you Aussie’s do) and turn off your computer!
Dear Wendy, if they carve kind/generous/ethical/driven/writer on my grave I’ll be a happy man. Your life seems full in the ‘rich’ sense, rather than the ‘bursting’ sense. I like your take on things and am happy to report that Fonnie and I are definitely having unplugged together time this Easter. Further, we’ve just booked a getaway with our dogs in the beautiful town of Bright. This pressing on without breaks is completely counterproductive. And generous responses like yours give me the confidence to get out of my funless rut. Thank you!
I don’t feel I live and breath my work, although my wife would disagree! I do know that I live and breath the passion, intrigue and mental stimulation of what my work requires. I have a passion for understanding and this spills over into so much of my life. I read maths text books as light entertainment (recently finished the history of algebra), I will watch science-based tv shows and try to understand the “why”, I will experiment with spreadsheets playing with a new layout or calculation technique. I find my brain loves the stimulation.
But my releases come from many and varied experiences – a camping night with my son looking at the stars, lifting weights and getting the heart pumping, laughing at a comedy show, going to the movies and watching US escapism at its best, or just simply chilling out and laying back with friends, enjoying a chat that ambers throughout the night and between so many random and yet connected subjects. It is these releases that let my brain unwind – and at the right moments I find I think of something about my work (or I should say my passion) and then I start working all over again.
For those of us who have a passion and not a job, balance must come from a wide range of activities that allow us to feel all of lifes emotions and feelings. WOW – that is just a bit too insightful for this time of the morning!! Great BLOG and good morning to all readers and writers.
Struth, Mike, you are bright this morning! You and the others really seem to have it all together. Maybe the fact that I don’t have children means my life is missing an essential counterweight. We’re all going at top speed, but you guys spin like gyroscopes while I clang around like a broken crankshaft. Maybe I need more dogs and fish! As usual, I’m very grateful for your precious input.
My Dear Friend so many thousands of miles away, allow me a story that may take a moment or three to reach a conclusion…
I grew up in a family that found my father, after early years of struggle, hitting it big with business. As I worked my way through high school, it became apparent to me my life would be financially secure by simply going into his restaurant business. But I didn’t want his business. I respected (and respect to this day) his great work ethic and his remarkable place in the legend and lore of his company. But it wasn’t for me. And so I went into theatre.
For a quarter-century, I worked more than I struggled but in theatre, it’s truly relative. I’ve been reviewed and hailed by major news organizations over the years – and trashed by them, too. I’ve had people come up to me in theatre lobbies raving about me and my work – and people walking right past me snickering. But the one thing that has never escaped me: The overwhelming majority of people reviewing me or watching me work were living lives that held far more balance than mine. And this wasn’t speculation, it was knowing the turf. In theatre, you become a slave to an almost nomadic lifestyle. In most anything else, you’re allowed balance. There’s a harmony that is easy to envy, almost to the point of bitterness. But the reality is – no one twisted my arm to be in this profession.
I traversed to radio and writing.
Again, some success and public standing ovations but at what price? No matter how much I put into both, the rewards were slim at best. I was (and am) forever feeling it’s one step forward, three steps back.
I started to gain weight, eat horribly and feel professionally unwanted and personally unworthy to my family.
Playing with my little girls, I was constantly out of breath. A daddy is not supposed to be out of breath when setting up a tea party.
Ultimately Paul, my lack of balance was very simple: I felt my talent and passion were being overlooked. Consequently, I allowed all of that to be my daily validation…or lack there of. The end result: Unfit, overweight and high strung. Major imbalance on all fronts. Something had to give, and the “something” was me.
I sat down with Wendy and said i.e. “I can no longer feel this way, look this way and act this way.” But more importantly, the thought finally occurred to me that my worth was not defined by what others would, or wouldn’t see in me. And I wasn’t going to let career struggles suffocate my life with my wife and daughters.
At the end of the day, what mattered most was being the best husband and father I could be. And by doing that, the rest would fall into place.
I’m not in the position I want (yet) and I’m not working the hours I prefer. But I’m living my life with faith and the love of my family, first. The days of imbalance are over. Although money pays the bills and affords a certain degree of stress relief, at what price does that relief come? I know people who make a small…no, large fortune. And they are miserable. They work 60+ hours every week and cannot sit in the bathroom without their Blackberry.
That’s not for me.
If you told me “Christopher, you can have the most popular radio program in the nation and make seven figures…but you’ll only see your family 10 hours per week…” I’d say ‘no thanks.’
In fact, there are times I would like to pack it all in, move to Vermont and open a little ice cream shop. With Wendy. And my girls. And that’s really it, isn’t it?
Happiness begins at home. And it ends at home. And it’s in the middle at home.
Your an amazing writer, someone who brings great insights, passion and humor to everyone who visits here. Your wisdom is infused with savvy instincts and the experience of many years. Those instincts and experience now need to be transposed to your life beyond work.
The PC can wait. Emails can be returned a few hours, or a day, later. The must-make phone call can be made…later.
Swing dancing is a blast. Ballroom dancing is wonderful. Doing anything with the one you love begins and ends with a smile. I highly recommend it. It’s a legalized drug called love. The side-effects: Stress-reduction, laughter and reconnection with what’s important.
Last year, we celebrated our 15th year of marriage and 19th year together. We did it by going out to dinner. Alone. Our first time we had gone on a date since . . . . before our oldest daughter was born in 2003. That would be five years. It was long overdue.
As is you being reacquainted with your life. Your life beyond the PC.
I need to get some MYOB medals struck. A comment like this, Christopher, goes way beyond the call. I’m gaining more wisdom from you and the others than I could ever impart. I’m so grateful for your story that ‘thank you’ just doesn’t cut it. P.
What a great post Paul. It’s funny because for me this one links back to the last…I’m supposed to be the guru of balance and a bit like you writing greeting cards, there are some days when I ask myself who I am kidding.
I work more hours than I have ever worked in a week and often get caught up in that desire to check emails constantly when I know it can wait. Still, I do carve out time for three sessions of exercise each week and some meditation and that makes the world of difference for me.
From where we all sit, you’re doing a great job Paul. But here’s to a computer free weekend…I’m going for three days, Friday to Sunday. Hope you have a great Easter.
Good day Paul, I hear you! I am not just listening. I understand the space that you are in as I have been there many times before. The best advice or experience I can share with you is to be diligent in your scheduling and block specific time to work but even more importantly block time to live! Its will keep your sanity and build a sense of freedom that keeps you tied to the machine. we have to treat our passions with the same amount of focus as our work. Yes it may be perceived with hesitation or questioning “how can I do that, when I have to make money” but your happiness is much more important than any amount of work. Follow the 80/20 principal and focus on the 20% that brings in 80% of your revenues. Then replace the not-so-lucrative 80% with your life. Be strict about taking your time off.
As far as missing opportunities because you are taking a walk or swim, I have learned that if I have not heard back from my client, that I call them, leave a message stating, “I really don’t want to miss your call but I need to run out for a few and I will be available again at ‘x’ time”. Now you have set it up to take responsibility for the client showing them you are accountable and no false interpretations can occur by missing their call. Stay one step ahead and before you know it you will be so far out in front, you will have all the time in the world to do whatever you want whenever you want.
Paul, you have tons of support. Stay focused my friend, block your time, keep to your schedule and everything else will fall into place.
All the best,
Jayson
http://twitter.com/askjayson
Thank you so much, Kate! Your support has been fabulous from the word go. I’ve long considered you a ‘how-to’ benchmark, so your endorsement is particularly valuable. Three days is a lot to take off in one hit. I’ll speak to Fonnie and get back to you!
You sure pack a lot of wisdom into a small space, Jayson! I’m hearing the word ‘block’ a lot in this discussion. Maybe I need to get out my BIG RED TEXTA and block out the swimming times I always push to one side for everything else.
I’ve done the 80/20 analysis, but I still treat every client like they’re No. 1. This is good in theory, but it has led to to a few takings for granteds. Your message idea is particularly elegant. I really must do that.
Thank you for all your excellent guidance. You seem eminently suited to provide the services offered on your website.
“I can work without being bothered by work.” That is a great line all by itself. Thanks for the Msg on Twitter to help me find your blog. This quote from my favorite book The Alchemist was the first thing that came to mind when I thought about you question regarding time off.
“I don’t live in either my past or my future. I’m interested only in the present. If you can concentrate always on the present, you’ll be a happy man. Life will be a party for you, a grand festival, because life is the moment we’re living now.” Paulo Coelho The Alchemist
That about sums it up for me.
I can see your an avid blogger, so I thought you might enjoy this short creative essay I wrote on social media title Yes, I love all things Social Media. Check it out here:
http://enlightenyourday.com/2009/04/06/yes-i-love-all-things-social-media/
Hi Jonathan! I had trouble getting through The Alchemist, but am delighted to see you quote it here. It sounds very much like what Eckhart Tolle said the other day when he visited Melbourne. I enjoyed your essay, so thanks for the link and for taking the time to visit here. Best regards, P.